Saturday, October 21, 2006

Beauty Queen

Just look at that One
How she swings those sexy hips
Flips her luscious hair
Flashes that beauty queen smile
She barely notices your scorn
It’s nothing to her
Nothing compared to the beatings
When she failed to win every time
Wasn't the prettiest of all
She was just a little girl

Just listen to that One
How she tells her tall tales
Sucks up to the boss
Flirts with all the boys
She barely notices your sneers
It’s nothing to her
Nothing compared to the loneliness
A desperation to be seen
Childhood falling on deaf ears
Just an object used 'til broken

Just being around that One
Makes you wish she’d grow up
Stop pretending to be perfect
Sit down and shut up
She barely notices your malice
It’s nothing to her
Nothing compared to the fear
A drunk boyfriend in the bars
Those other women in his wallet
Missing her period these last three months

Sunday, October 15, 2006

We Are Powerful

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't ever serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us... And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

~ Nelson Mandela

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

While You Were Out

We must have only missed each other by a few hours.
While you were landing in Sioux City, I was climbing into a limo at JFK.
While you were searching for your luggage at carousel #3, I was stepping onto the sidewalk in front of your house.
While you were squealing with old college pals, I was holding him in the doorway.
While you were calling home to tell him you’d arrived safely, I was tasting his eager kisses.

Were those your stray hairs on his sweater? They were same color as mine, but longer and straighter. They must have been yours.

I hope you realize that this wasn’t personal.

The house was exactly as I imagined it would be. He said you did most of the decorating and remodeling yourselves. I could tell you put a lot of hard work and love into the effort. It’s a home you should be proud of. It’s a home I had no right to set foot in.

Two dogs and a cat? I thought he hated cats. Isn’t he allergic or something? I suppose things like that can change after 15 years. People can make some pretty big compromises when they’re in love, when the stakes are high enough. God knows I did.

The scent of your perfume still lingered on the pillows. I recognized it, but couldn’t remember the name. It was the same perfume I gave my sister last Christmas. You’d think he’d have at least changed the linens before I arrived. I told him to do it before you returned. I didn't trust him, so I just did it myself.

I sat alone in the bathroom for a while afterwards. There’s something wrong with the lights in there. My reflection seemed warped and strange. I looked different. I felt different. Perhaps you left a bit of yourself behind the glass. Perhaps that’s what happens after an investment of twelve years.
This wasn’t anything like I expected it would be. I don’t understand how he can seem so happy about what we did.

Oh, don’t ask me why. Ask him. This wasn’t about you and I. Hell, I don’t know you. I don’t feel anything for you; at least I never did before now.

I wonder if he thought about any of this before he invited me,
The first time
The second time
The tenth time
The final time, when I finally said yes and the plane tickets showed up in the Fed-Ex envelope the next day.
I wonder if it was worth it to him.

We must have only missed each other by a few hours.

While you returned to a dozen roses, I returned to the searing emptiness of my one-bedroom apartment.
While he lied about how much he missed you, I stared into a mirror that reflected the truth of who I’d become.
While you noticed the coffee cups had been stacked open-side-up instead of open-side-down, I scrubbed the stench of sin from my body.
While you opened the letter I’d tucked inside your pillowcase, I packed the last of my things in my car.

I have no idea where I’m going. All I know is that I can’t stay here.

(Note: this is fiction. I didn't really run away from home)

Monday, October 09, 2006

Vacation Report

1076 miles in the car … time flies with good tunes and a good friend.

There was something about the water in Illinois and Ohio that made my hair look and feel better than usual. Other people seemed to notice too. Over the course of 5 days, I think about 127 people told me that I have great hair. There was also one person who couldn’t seem to think of anything else to say to me, so he just told me that I had great hair 127 times in a row … … actually, that was kinda creepy. In fact, my friend told me that if it happened again she wouldn’t go anywhere with me unless I shave my head.

I had my first professional pedicure, and as predicted, I’m hooked. I’m going to have to get a part-time job to pay for this new guilty pleasure. It’s too wonderful to live without. And, my feet look and feel so yummy!

I ate more in 5 days than I’ve eaten in a month. Ugh! It was all great, but I’m not even stepping on the scale for at least a week.

Naps are good.

So are hot tubs.

So are Lemon Drop Martinis.

I need to accept the fact that I just shouldn’t go to bars. When is the last time you met an intelligent or amusing person in a bar? I’ve met ONE truly phenomenal person in a bar, and maybe half a dozen mildly interesting people along the way. The rest have almost always been people that I’ve wanted to escape from about 5 minutes into the conversation. No amount of alcohol can improve this situation.

My girl told me that in general I need to get better at getting rid of people that annoy me in social situations. She says that I worry too much about hurting other people’s feelings. I need to stop doing that and learn how to make a get-a-way when clingy people attach themselves to me. I listened to her tell me about this for about half an hour while driving back from Ohio. I found it a bit ironic the next day when she found herself in a lengthy conversation with a gentleman that seemed quite attached to her. Part of the conversation went something like this:
Gfriend – So, what are you doing in Illinois?
Man – I moved here from Arkansas to help my sister?
Gfriend – Oh.
Man – Yeah, she had a bad forklift accident at work and she needs a lot of help.
Gfriend – That sounds terrible. What happened?
Man – Yeah. She’s in awful shape. It crushed her leg. She’ll never walk again.
Gfriend – (thinking about rehab and prosthetics) Is the situation hopeless? What about her other leg? Is that okay?
Man – Yeah, her other leg is fine, but HOPPIN’ AIN’T WALKIN’!
Gfriend - . . . ummm.
Man – (looking over P's shoulder) Hey! Hey! Hey! What’s your name again? Theresa? You got REALLY, REALLY pretty hair, Theresa! Really pretty hair!

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Be Back Soon

I’m going away this week. A friend offered me a chance to tag along with her on a business trip. I get to hang out at a swanky hotel and explore the local surroundings while she’s at meetings during the day. In the evenings, I can meet up with her at the parties. My girl’s company is paying for everything except my food, booze and pedicures so the price is right.

Maybe this is the break I need to get my Hot Bloggy Chik groove back. I’ll try to catch up with everyone when I return.

Much Love!!!