BargainingBy the time we get to this age, we all carry a bit of baggage, some more than others. We can help one another along, but mostly it's stuff we have to sort out on our own. It's hard work that some people never seem able to do. And, sometimes the people that seem the most well-put-together have the biggest parcels to handle. Other times those who have the most to offer have months or years of sorting to do before they have anything worth giving.
I’ve worked long and hard to sort through my crap, much of that work right here on this blog. Right or wrong, I hid myself away until I had my baggage whittled down into a manageable carry-on. It took a couple years and a few detours to really get my shit together. Unfortunately, it seems as if my guy-guy is one of those people with a lot to offer but nothing to give right now. It’s not my fault. It’s not really his fault either. It’s just the way life works.
I wish he’d say he has a plan to work it all out. He could ask me to hang in there for a while. I wouldn’t throw myself on my sword, but I’d help push the luggage cart if he said we were worth working for. Instead, he just gives me explanations of his powerlessness. Then, he distracts me by making me laugh. It makes him feel better because, even though he doesn’t say so, he can’t stand knowing he hurt me.
He calls because he likes my company. I answer because I hope he’ll say what I want him to say. If I don't hear something positive soon, it's going to get old fast. In fact, I think I might not feel like talking tonight.