While You Were Out
We must have only missed each other by a few hours.While you were landing in Sioux City, I was climbing into a limo at JFK.
While you were searching for your luggage at carousel #3, I was stepping onto the sidewalk in front of your house.
While you were squealing with old college pals, I was holding him in the doorway.
While you were calling home to tell him you’d arrived safely, I was tasting his eager kisses.
Were those your stray hairs on his sweater? They were same color as mine, but longer and straighter. They must have been yours.
I hope you realize that this wasn’t personal.
The house was exactly as I imagined it would be. He said you did most of the decorating and remodeling yourselves. I could tell you put a lot of hard work and love into the effort. It’s a home you should be proud of. It’s a home I had no right to set foot in.
Two dogs and a cat? I thought he hated cats. Isn’t he allergic or something? I suppose things like that can change after 15 years. People can make some pretty big compromises when they’re in love, when the stakes are high enough. God knows I did.
The scent of your perfume still lingered on the pillows. I recognized it, but couldn’t remember the name. It was the same perfume I gave my sister last Christmas. You’d think he’d have at least changed the linens before I arrived. I told him to do it before you returned. I didn't trust him, so I just did it myself.
I sat alone in the bathroom for a while afterwards. There’s something wrong with the lights in there. My reflection seemed warped and strange. I looked different. I felt different. Perhaps you left a bit of yourself behind the glass. Perhaps that’s what happens after an investment of twelve years. This wasn’t anything like I expected it would be. I don’t understand how he can seem so happy about what we did.
Oh, don’t ask me why. Ask him. This wasn’t about you and I. Hell, I don’t know you. I don’t feel anything for you; at least I never did before now.
I wonder if he thought about any of this before he invited me,
The first time
The second time
The tenth time
The final time, when I finally said yes and the plane tickets showed up in the Fed-Ex envelope the next day.
I wonder if it was worth it to him.
We must have only missed each other by a few hours.
While you returned to a dozen roses, I returned to the searing emptiness of my one-bedroom apartment.
While he lied about how much he missed you, I stared into a mirror that reflected the truth of who I’d become.
While you noticed the coffee cups had been stacked open-side-up instead of open-side-down, I scrubbed the stench of sin from my body.
While you opened the letter I’d tucked inside your pillowcase, I packed the last of my things in my car.
I have no idea where I’m going. All I know is that I can’t stay here.
(Note: this is fiction. I didn't really run away from home)
posted by Theresa @ 10/10/2006 09:38:00 PM
8 Comments:
WOW!! This is mesmerizing!
Even though it is fiction, would you really leave a letter?
Zoooom - Ha! I should always get high on Poptarts when I post.
Spin - ewwwww, I hope I'm never in this sort of situation. But if I were, I hope I'd never be letter-leaving selfish and cruel.
Now I guess all of your fans will be kissing up to you. Why are you so popular? Why are you so attractive? Some day you'll sit down on a park bench and it'll be my face instead! Jeez, wasn't it Prince Charles who wanted to be Camilla's Kotex? Talk about going down in History. I suppose it was considered sanitary.
t- the letter bit wat brilliantly evil
Now, that' something.
I'm glad you put the note at the end too after being gone for a week :)
This was an awesome story. Told eerily calm but conveying all the raw emotion of the character. The regret, the sadness, the longing, etc. Excellent job.
Where does your wonderful imagination come from?
Perhaps it's better that it remains mysterious.
Post a Comment
<< Home