Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Hope

Being in a REAL relationship feels awkward. It’s like trying to find my way along a forgotten path. Some of the landmarks look familiar, but I’m unsure of my footing and afraid I’ll lose my way. He seems to share the same feeling, maybe even more than I. We walk at HIS pace. Very slow. We don’t take many chances.

I’m learning to trust a little bit. He’s earning that trust. I’ve almost stopped wondering if he will disappear without warning. His presence is becoming familiar and reliable, and his voice eases my wandering fears. I’m pretty sure he has the same fears, but he won’t say so. I won’t ask either. Instead, I make sure he knows that I’m still going to be here tomorrow.

Sometimes when I look at him I’m surprised by how beautiful he is. He doesn’t seem to know he’s beautiful. That’s an even bigger surprise. Other times I notice the pain he’s trying so hard to overcome. It’s almost hard to imagine that this powerful, towering man could ever be broken.

I have more courage than he does so I let him take the lead. He needs to be in charge and I don’t. There’s a certain vulnerability to this arrangement, but the imbalance is subtle so it’s okay for now. I dearly want to keep walking along this path with him. But, it’s not for me to decide or control. I just have to HOPE.

6 Comments:

At 9:52 PM, Blogger Holly: The Dirty Princess said...

I think that's a great way to go about it. So many people rush things. Good for you for letting him take the lead.

 
At 4:48 AM, Blogger captain corky said...

Welcome back! I hope it works out for you and I look forward to reading more of what you've learned. ;)

 
At 1:29 PM, Blogger Blazngfyre said...

First of all, I am so very happy to see you. I have missed you my Love Goddess!
Secondly, I too look forward to reading about what you've learned, and what you're still learning.

Welcome back my HOTT-T!

 
At 8:54 AM, Blogger Chick said...

Sounds like you've figured out what's important.

Hope is the hardest thing & I'm hoping for the best for you...you deserve it.

 
At 1:35 PM, Blogger Theresa said...

Holly - This slow thing is new for me. Occasionally I feel impatient, but mostly, I'm finding it delightful.

Corky - Thank you for your well-wishes.

Mistress Blaze, my Hotness - Missed you too!!!

Chik - Hope really is tough. Those pesky doubts and fears are always ready to pounce. Thank you for always believing in me.

 
At 9:03 PM, Blogger Spin_Doc1 said...

You do have a lot of courage. Wow I couldn't not do the same if I was in your shoes.

 

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