Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Surviving Birthdays Hot Chik Style: Part I

I'm counting down the days until I reach the annual anniversary of my birth. Damn! Didn’t we just do this a couple months ago? The older you get the faster it goes, my friends.

Over the years I’ve discovered a few things about surviving birthdays. Because I’m a loving and generous gal, I’m going to share some of my wisdom with you. Today’s lesson is about asking for what you need.

The goal is to feel good about yourself and not be dependent on the approval of others for that good feeling. However, reality sucks! And sometimes even a Hot Chik needs a little boost.

Direct Approach:

"Do I look old?"

If you’re going to use this approach to ask for what you need, be smart about it.

* Do not ask a child or a teenager. They don’t have a clue what old is. Everyone over 30 looks the same to them.

* If you ask your partner, don’t ask him/her when he’s running late for work and searching for his keys. If you end up getting the "Huh? Fine Honey. Yeah, sure, nice" response, you’ll be bummed and he’ll be in the doghouse.

* Do not ask my brother. He knows all the buttons to push, and this would provide him with even more ammunition for future torture. (At our age, you’d think he’d give it up!) In fact, if anyone even mentions to him that I have angst about looking old, I’ll sic my Mom on you!

Best scenario: Make a pact with a few of your best gal pals. Agree to the ground rules and be available for age-angst birthday crisis. We Hot Chiks know all the right answers.

  • Laugh lines look gorgeous on you, and they show your happy enthusiasm for life.
  • Gray hair doesn’t look good on everyone, but on you it works. If you decide you don’t like it, I know a great colorist.
  • I’d fuck ya!
  • Most men really want a woman with experience. If they don’t, they’re immature little boys who we wouldn’t waste our time with.
  • Not a day over …

Sometimes I use a Less Direct Approach. I lie.

Instead of lying and telling people that I’m younger than I really am, I tell them that I’m older. Then I get the alarmed response, "WOW! I never would have guessed!"

It was a lot of fun at work for a while because everyone was trying to figure out my real age without actually asking. Finally people caught on to my game and I had to fess up. I can still play with new people though.

When there are a group of newbies, I’m fond of telling them that I’m 49 and the mother of six, the youngest of which are twin savants, studying the Pan Flute in Athens. It’s amazing what people will buy if you look sincere and maintain eye contact.

Isn’t life fun?



Don’t worry, I’ll keep reminding you.


At 2:16 PM, Blogger Jay said...

I was still 39 till last week so we get to share a week each year of same-ageness.

So which way are you going next week- up or down?


At 2:21 PM, Blogger Jack the Grey said...

Thanks for the preview of what I ahve to look foward to.....ugh.

At 3:08 PM, Blogger Chick said...

I so agree with the "look sincere & maintain eye contact"'s very true...& I never fail to get a kick out of it.

Happy almost birthday!

At 3:50 PM, Blogger Blazngfyre said...

Hell, i've been 28 for 5 years now. What cracks my ass up is that some people actually believe me! It's all in the "look sincere and maintain eye contact".

Happy (almost) 39th B-day Hot Chik!

At 8:58 AM, Blogger Tommy said...

Jay, I bet she'll go "down" if given the chance. (uh huh, uh huh) Sorry, no one else was jumping on it so I had to.
Theresa I bet you age perfectly, like a fine wine whose taste and quality improves with each passing month. Plus getting older is better than the alternative.

At 9:27 AM, Blogger theresa said...

Jay - Happy Birthday! 40 is good. That's the birthday I adopted the "It's my life and I'm going to do whatever the hell I want" attitude. You're 40, cop a 'tude and go for it.

Jack - You have a lot to look forward to, my friend (see comment above)

Chick - Do I look old?

Blazngfyre - In a dark bar at closing time, I think I can still get away with 28 too! ... AaacK! Keep looking fabulous Hot Chik!

Tommy - Ahem ... too funny!
Extra Credit Points for the fine wine comment.
And I agree, not turning 41 would stink ... really more for everyone else than me, cuz I wouldn't be here to notice.

At 7:21 AM, Blogger Chick said...

Theresa, I'm looking away & : )


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