Monday, April 25, 2005

Las Vegas Highlights

I tend to be a gal who’s fairly aware of her strengths and weaknesses. As such, we accentuate the shoulders so the ass looks smaller, wear the same color from top to bottom for a slimming effect, match our shoes and handbag for special occasions, and thank the Goddess of Undergarments (
Cricket) for the plunge bra!

Las Vegas was a whole new experience in fashion. I was completely blown away by what I saw. In fact, a couple times I thought my corneas were going to shatter. People will wear anything and everything … or practically nothing. Sometimes that's a really good thing! Some of those women are phenomenally gorgeous! Likewise, it was a beautiful thing to see ordinary looking people feeling confident enough with their bodies to be out and about in head-to-toe spandex. However, as I was walking through the slot-machine area of the hotel to get my morning coffee yesterday, I found myself walking behind a not-so-gorgeous woman who was sporting a healthy 3 inches of butt-crack.

My corneas may need a surgical intervention.

FRIENDS: Mateo & Mary
Our friends, Mateo & Mary have lived in Las Vegas for about a year. It was great to see them, and they were the best tour guides of all time! Mateo is the kind of guy who gets so excited to see you that he picks you up and won’t put you down for a really long time. He also has a nice habit of kissing my neck when he hugs me. (If you live in Las Vegas and you need insurance, Mateo is the guy to see. Heart of gold!!!)

Mary is funny as shit! She’s an 8th grade teacher, and everyone knows that having a healthy sense of humor is the only way to survive the 8th grade. One of the charming things Mary was telling us about the 8th graders in Las Vegas has to do with the advertisement cards people pass out on the street. If you’ve never been to LV, there are dozens of people on the street all day and all night passing out little cards with naked pictures of women on them. These cards advertise the services of such women. According to Mary, the 8th grade boys collect these cards and trade them, much like folks used to collect and trade baseball cards in days of yore.

"Hey Jimmy, I’ll trade you two Mimi’s for a Veronica."

"Naw! The Mimi’s have the nipples star-ed out. Veronica is uncensored, Dude! You gotta do better than that."

Gee, I wonder if this will have any effect on how these young men view the women in their lives?

Big Bad Voo Doo Daddy was a fabulous show. The Showtime reps took really good care of us and they even had extra tickets for Mary and Mateo. My pink high heels and twirly skirt were a hit! Look for me in the Showtime Magazine.

Note: If I ever find myself in Las Vegas again, I will only pack comfortable shoes. Damn there’s a lot of walking, AND damn, they like to get you drunk. Yes … I fell on my ass. The ass is fine, the pride is recovering.

One of the treasures I found was a gorgeous little pleated silk skirt for (drum roll please) ten dollars!!! I wore it the last night we were there, and it was perfect.

After watching the water show at the Bellagio, I was pooped and decided to walk back to the hotel by myself. It was a fairly breezy night so I was paying a bit of attention to the skirt. However, about half way down the escalator between the Bellagio and Cesar’s Palace, a crazy wind came out of nowhere and blew that light little silk skirt all the way up to my shoulders. I managed to keep it down in the front, but everyone behind me got the full view. Boy, was I glad I went with the bikini panties and not the thong that I had originally picked out … although the panties were mesh in the back, so I’m not sure how much good they did me.

While I was sitting in the airport waiting to board the plane, I heard the following announcement:

"Would the passenger who left his false teeth and hearing aid in the Men’s Restroom please report to the Information Desk. (Pause) If you can hear this, (laughing) would the passenger who left his false teeth and hearing aid in the Men’s Restroom please report to the Information Desk."

I Shit You Not!

*Geesh! When you think about it, that would totally suck. I hope the guy got his stuff back.


At 11:22 AM, Blogger Tommy said...

I had thought for sure that a Hot Chick like you had been to Vegas before or I would have told you to take good shoes. MG will take one pair of dress shoes to wear to a show, and we go there and back to the hotel to change. Blistered feet can ruin a trip.

At 5:14 PM, Blogger Chick said...

I hope both your ass AND your pride recovered from the fall(s). I always find a twirly skirt looks graceful when you’re falling on your butt...really...I do.

I’m glad you had a killer trip.

At 9:07 PM, Blogger Clark K. said...

That false teeth announcement was hilarious, I think I would passed out laughing if I was there.

I went to Vegas once but was only there for about 6 hrs. Next time I'm going to stay a little longer.

Its great to have you back!

At 9:55 PM, Anonymous Dick said...

Welcome home...we missed you!!

At 11:52 PM, Blogger Queen Of Pink said...

You were definitely missed. No one notices if you fall, as lon as you show your mesh panties under a twirly skirt. Really. They don't!

Welcome home!!

At 1:45 AM, Blogger theresa said...

Yous guys are the BEST! I love my Blog-World friends way more than half a yard of cheap-ass frozen margarita and an uncensored Veronica.

I missed you too. That's the longest I've been away from my blog since it was born last October.
Geez, no wonder I got tipsy.

At 11:32 AM, Blogger cricket said...

welcome home! sounds like you had a blast! :)

At 5:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


Better than hearing, "Will the tramp who left 'Tre,' the big ass dildo in the mens restroom, please pick up him up?"

Love Ya,

At 5:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Queen of Pink,

I've seen Theresa fall on her ass and it can be down right ass slapping funny and it can also be down right well.....FUCKING HILLARIOUS! But the gal, keeps on talking....God Bless the Goddess of Love!!!!


At 6:04 PM, Blogger Larry Jones said...

I'm sure you "happened" in Las Vegas. Glad you didn't stay there...

At 9:10 AM, Blogger Blueeyes said...

Glad you are back. It was lonely around here without you. Which is better Vegas or N'Orleans? Seems the funky attire at Mardis Gras is hard to exceed, but maybe Vegas is a close second???

At 12:01 PM, Blogger theresa said...

Cricket - Thanks for the Welcome Home. I think Vegas would be great fun with you, and it's my first choice for a location for the first annual Hot Chik Convention!

J (NC HortStud) - I'm going to start spilling stories about you if you don't keep your loose lips shut! Should we start with the one who puts out fires?

Larry - Vegas isn't really my kind of town, but I definitely enjoyed myself while I was there! I'm more of a tromping through the woods or catching a show in NC kinda gal. Whatcha doin' Saturday night?

Blue Eyes - I've never been to New Orleans, but somehow I ended up with 2 strands of Mardi Gras beads while I was in Las Vegas.

At 12:03 PM, Blogger theresa said...

(typo) I think the shows in NYC are a bit more of what I was thinking than North Carolina, although I will be spending a week in NC next month.

At 1:28 PM, Blogger Behind_Closed_Doors said...

Vegas is Awesome, you are right they will wear anything. I lived there for 9 years. I miss the sites. we are headed back next month for a weekend. Great site by the way


At 9:32 AM, Blogger Tommy said...

I'm gonna try to sneak MG out to Vegas before football season (peewee football takes over for about 10 weeks). The end of July should be good even if shes says that she refuses to go to a pool.


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