Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Pretty Soon I'm Going to Feel GREAT! Right???

Today's Schedule

7:00am - Monkey-Man wakes me up for no reason at all. No, let me think … Ah (sweet), he says he loves me.

7:20 - Haul my sorry ass out of bed and collect slippers & bathrobe.
Shuffle into kitchen to complain about the measly share of coffee left for me.
Cuddle with cute fuzzy dogs while drinking ½ cup of coffee.
Wonder about breakfast.

7:30 - Look for cigarettes. FUCK ! ! ! Don’t panic. We stopped smoking yesterday. Breathe.
Eat a sensible breakfast (something tasting of bark, but shaped like a flake, floating in soy juice).

7:50 - Wave goodbye to the boys and make more coffee.
Wonder if there’s a cigarette anywhere in the house.
Eat a Nicotine Lozenge.
Turn on the computer. Reach for my cigarettes. FUCK ! ! ! Don’t panic. Breathe.

8:10 - Pace the house.
Wonder if there are any cigarettes in my car.
Turn on a DVD a friend loaned me. More coffee and eat meds.

8:30 - Pause DVD.
Pace the house.
Do a load of laundry.
Hmmm, I used to keep a stash of cigarettes in the laundry room for secret smoking when my Mom came to visit.
WHAT THE FUCK? What the hell do non-smokers do with their hands and mouths when they are not smoking? I know there will be some
sexy ideas, but remember, I’m all by myself and my flexibility has it’s limits.

8:45 - Check e-mail and blog for a bit again.
Eat another lozenge.
Is it too early for lunch?

9:10 - Reach for a cigarette. FUCK ! ! ! Don’t panic. Breathe.
Scream (lots of profanity. Profanity even I, who cus like a sailor, would be e
mbarrassed to type out on the written page - Thank for the tip Average Joe).
Calm the dogs down after my screaming fit.
Sing with Starbuck (the Coonhound / Lab).

9:20 - Long hot shower (with Aquassager)

9:45 - Hey, that DVD is still paused. Start DVD & fold laundry.
Pop another lozenge.
Get dressed.

10:15 - Get things together to leave for the day.
Where are my
cigarettes? FUCK ! ! ! Don’t panic. Breathe.

10:30 (NOW) - Yellow Pages: I’m looking up the number for the best hair stylist in town. If I make it through the next 10 days, I’m getting my hair done. I’m making the appointment now. If I smoke between now and then, I’ll cancel the appointment. But, I’m not going to smoke. Some things are more important than smoking, like really good hair … and shoes.
Hey, if I make it a month, maybe Chick will help me pick out a new pair of Mary Janes.


At 12:23 PM, Blogger Kay said...

Good for you Theresa! I already think you're a sexy and strong woman. But if you quit smoking, IMHO, that makes you even sexier and stronger.

I never even picked up a cigarette but I have friends who have a lot of trouble quitting, going back to it when it seems they have it beat. So I know it ain't easy. Good luck.

At 12:58 PM, Blogger Glorious Nonsense said...

I'm sure you've seen this type of thing before. But see? In 48 hours that coffee will taste even better!


At 5:07 PM, Blogger Chick said...

Oh...now you have to quit for at least a month! We'd have so much fun shopping for killer Mary Janes.

I know you can do it.

If you stop smoking...I'll stop eating chocolate, deal?

At 7:11 PM, Blogger Goldfish Shoals said...

If you stop smoking for a month, I'll buy shoes, too. Actually, I'll probably just buy shoes anyway. But wouldn't it be more fun if I did it at the same time that you did? YAY!

At 9:37 PM, Blogger Kay said...

Theresa, I was "shoe-shopping" online and thought of you the instant I saw these:


At 12:21 AM, Blogger Larry Jones said...

Tobacco is the hardest to quit -- even harder than hard drugs (I know). You are doing a tough thing. It will get easier. I spent a couple of months compiling a list in my mind of reasons to quit, and it got pretty long. All of the reasons were the obvious ones -- I'm sure you know them -- but they carry more weight when you take them all together.
One thing I did that helped me: I chewed toothpicks. Specifically Thursday Plantation Australian Chewing Sticks. They are infused with Tee Tree Oil, a very strong (and grown-up) flavor. I found them in a health food store. I stuck one in my mouth instead of a cigarette whenever I had the urge. So not only did I look like Clint Eastwood, with my pick dangling from the corner of my mouth, but I always had something to do to satisfy my oral fixation.
I'll just leave that pin standing. You can knock it down if you want.

At 1:43 AM, Blogger theresa said...

Kayten: Those shoes are great! I'm already 5'9" with-out shoes. I'll be about 6 foot tall in those babies. Ha! I love high-heels! With shoes like that, just think of the power I will have over those pathetic little nicotine urges.

Glorious Nonsense - I'm pretty cool with the coffee tasting better. I'm a little worried about everything else tasting better.

Chick - We will have to do some serious on-line shopping. We can share our best discoveries and then pick together. - Are you sure you want to give up chocolate? What will your brain live on inbetween sexual experiences?

Goldfish Shoals - When I get big, I want to be just like you!

Larry - Thank You!!!!
What a great idea. We have a fabulous Co-op grocery store in town. If they don't have the toothpicks, they'll get me what I want.

I was a Substance Abuse counselor for 2 years. I understand a lot about addiction. Whatever it is that makes you decide the consequences of using aren't worth the effect of the drug is different for everyone. I agree, there are a lot of reasons not to smoke. The only reason to do it is because I like the way it makes me feel. For now, I'll just feel cranky and surly, and I'll try a few other things to deal with my oral fixation.

Thanks to all of you. I really can't tell you how much reading your messages helps me. I've actually distracted myself with thoughts of shoe shopping when I wanted to smoke. And, I wasn't nearly as cranky as I let on because you make me laugh.

At 11:00 AM, Blogger Lu said...

I've gone since December 6 without a cigarette. I quit because I was in the hospital for seven days for pneumonia and pleurisy and coughing up blood seemed like a good incentive at the time. I know that my mind is playing sick delusional games with me now, because I'm thinking it would make me feel better to start smoking again. At least then I wouldn't be eating all the food in the house on a day-to-day basis.

I'm glad you aren't crabby, T--wish I could say that was true for me, too, but it's not. I'll just get me some of those toothpicks and try to chew on those instead of being a raging bitch toward my poor hubby.



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