Thursday, January 06, 2005

Gimme Lots of Men!

Believe it or not, I, The Love Goddess, have been called a "Man-Hater" on more than one occasion. Most notably, it was during a time when I was doing something that pissed-off some muther-fucking "Woman-Hating" asshole. I have a long history of working both as a professional and a volunteer in efforts to end violence against women and children. This seems like an obvious thing for a Hot Chik to do. After all, we gotta watch our sisters' backs. However, there are a few men who find the activities of those who wish to end sexual and physical violence toward children and women a threat to their manhood. They ignorantly believe that women who participate in such activities hate men. These would be the muther-fucking "Woman-Hating" assholes I first referred to.

In reality, I unquestionably LOVE MEN! There are probably as many reasons for my heart-felt affection as there are men in my life. And, heaven forbid, there comes a time when new men cease to wander into my realm. I rely on them to provide me with even more reasons to love men.

Just for fun, I thought I’d list a few of my favorite Man-Qualities:

  • Bellies: Man bellies are sooo sexy. I’m not talking about the dudes with the 6-pack abs, although they are lickably welcome too. I’m talking about all kinds of bellies. The slightly mushy, the big hard round ones, the hairless, and those with the delightful little treasure trail, are all deliciously wonderful. I love them, love them, love them! *Warning to all men with bellies: if you get too close, I’m may blow raspberry noises all over your tummy.
  • Men are funny when they get a boo-boo. It’s really cute when they wander in from the garage with a cut on their finger. Even though they act tough about it, they have to show you the bloody gash full of dirt and lawn-mower grease anyway.
  • When Men are Heroes: When someone he cares about is upset or hurt, a man will automatically try to find a way to fix it. He will drive you anywhere you want to go, give you as much money as he can spare, get you as drunk as you’ve ever been, have sweet sloppy sex with you, or beat someone to a bloody pulp. Generally, whichever of these makes you stop crying the quickest is the one he’ll pick. The only exception to the Hero quality is when he’s the one who upset you. In that case, he’s in the difficult position of being the Anti-Hero, and he will try to find any way out of it, sometimes even blaming you. But, women can play that game too.
  • Boys like toys: It doesn’t matter how old he is, there is some gadget, computer thingy, tool, instrument, or piece of sporting equipment that he’s been dreaming of for weeks or months or years. When he sees it, he gets the same look in his eye that he did when he got his first gander at the National Geographic with the photos of the naked booby ladies who live in far away places.
  • I love the way men respond to a genuine compliment. Sometimes you’d think he’d never heard anything nice said about himself before. I’m not talking about telling him he has a nice ass, although some of the boys probably like to hear that. And, I’m not talking about telling a guy something because you think he expects it, or because you want something from him. When you notice something uniquely special about a man, he can ride on that for weeks. It always surprises me, and it’s so cool to see.
  • The Double Take: When a woman is feeling as foxy and fine as a Hot Chik can be, she’s bound to be noticed by men. It’s a blast to see the Double-Take. It’s a bigger blast when you happen to be that particular Hot Chik. I love when men show their appreciation of sexy women in subtle ways. However, when men are obnoxious about it, it’s trashy and disgusting.
  • Lastly, I love when men kiss my neck. It’s all soft and tickly, and a little whiskery, ummmm…. Granted, I don’t want all the men I love to kiss my neck, but for those I do, Damn! I Fucking Love It!

*This is by no means an exhaustive list, however, it's late and even women as powerful as great Amazon Warrior Queens need their beauty sleep. Perhaps I will be inspired to write Part II at a later date.


At 3:55 AM, Blogger Funky Fresh Freddie said...

What a man-hater!

At 8:07 AM, Blogger Nightmare said...

What that's it?

What about our minds? No one loves us for our large craniums! Just our big heads! :-)

At 8:12 AM, Blogger dwduck said...

Nothing beats a nice kissable neck on a woman. :)

At 8:38 AM, Blogger Tommy said...

First of all, any (so-called) man who hurts a child or a woman on purpose should be beaten out of existance. We were created to love and protect women and children (and if that statement makes me a pig then that's just what I am), not abuse that trust and respect that we should have.
Believe it or not, having my wife compliment me on something, or brag to her family about makes me walk in the clouds. There is nothing like knowing that the woman I love so much is proud or happy with an accomlishment of mine. I guess I'm still a little kid in some ways; but then again aren't we all?

At 8:47 AM, Blogger theresa said...

Freddie: Tee-Hee

Nightmare: Course I loves all y'all for your bright and beautiful minds. Gimme some sugar and don't worry your pretty little self another second longer.

Duck: Yay!!! Missed you and the sweet and genuine way you love women.

At 11:00 AM, Blogger Goldfish Shoals said...

Huzzah! Bellies!

At 7:23 PM, Blogger John Q. Public said...

Not so fast there, ladies! You mean to tell me that all the time I spend in the gym getting RID of the belly was all for naught?


At 8:09 PM, Blogger Dannyness said...

Just tell me my big penis counts for something!

At 1:08 AM, Blogger Opaco said...

it sounds like you like "real men" not men that are model like in looks. that is awesome, there are few of you out there, luckily i found one.

At 2:15 AM, Blogger theresa said...

Touche', Joe! After all, aren't you the fine Bloke who told me that my gravity-afflicted tits were A-Okay. I don't know about you, but I'm going to keep going to the gym because it's good for me, and it will keep me from starting some dim-wit's head on fire when I'm at the end of my rope.

At 10:30 AM, Blogger John Q. Public said...

Yes indeed, my dear. Here's the thing, though: Women are beautiful, soft, smell good and all things great. Unless they go from one extreme such as Calista Flockhart (grotesque) to the other, such as the 900 Pound Carnival Sideshow Bearded Woman.

We men, on the other hand, need all the help we can get. We're hairy, tend to stink unless bathed daily, and are all sharp edges and hard corners. Going to the gym, getting a twice monthly haircut, not dressing as if it's still 1982, etc.

Here's another secret from the Guy's Club: If we're infatuated with a woman for whatever reason, we'll do almost anything asked, told or demanded. We're a bunch of dogs.


Post a Comment

<< Home