Friday, December 31, 2004

2005: Year of Cunnilungus

As much as I love all aspects of sex, and continue to explore the full range of sexual experiences to the limits of my exhausted and trembling body, I embrace the call to promote and celebrate Cunnilingus in the coming year. At some other time or place we can explore the joys of kissing, fucking, blowing, touching, rimming, massaging, and all other manner of sexual stimulation, but for the purpose of this post, the focus is licking the sweeeeeet pussy.

I’ve heard rumors that there are many men (and women) in the world who greatly enjoy muff-munching. Indeed, I myself have had the pleasure of knowing a treasured few of these folks. When they enjoy what they are doing and do it well, it’s an earth-shattering phenomenal experience. If you happen to be one of these people, For-The-Love-Of-Pete, please be kind enough to share your skills and wisdom with your brothers & sisters. Scrawl it on the bathroom walls. Get a tattoo. Have cunny-positive t-shirts made. Chat about the lovely aroma of an aroused cunt while you’re having a beer with the guys. I’m begging you, don’t be selfish man!

The real key to having a successful 2005: Year of Cunnilingus is to launch a public campaign. We need a campaign manager, posters, flyers, t-shirts, buttons, a website, and a telephone calling pool. We also need sound bites, slogans, and a song. We should also try to get some celebrities to volunteer to promote the campaign (lets not bother asking Michael Jackson). Oh, and to do all of this, we need cash. For the sake of efficiency, send all your cash to me.

Until the organized campaign is underway, all y’all need to dive in and get busy!

Although this isn't a very sophisicated site, it's still the best "how-to" advice that I've been able to find.
http://www.panix.com/~piglet/muff-diving.faq

*For those of you who find cunniligus unappealing due to your sexual orientation or preferences, please consider supporting the 2005 Cunniligus campaign for the benefit of a happier and healthier ME!

25 Comments:

At 9:43 AM, Blogger Lu said...

I, for one, am totally in favor of this campaign. Yes, my particular soapbox has more to do with mental health than sex, but I do believe the two are inextricably linked. Case in point: I know that my mental health improves greatly after a good lick-session. I plan on "campaigning" within my own home for more of this most effective and enjoyable treatment in 2005 than ever before!

P.S. I may have an idea for a representative musical group, if they're still around. When I was in college I met a woman who was a member of an all-girl punk rock group called "Connie Lingus and the Phlegms". I'll try to look them up...

 
At 9:57 AM, Blogger John Q. Public said...

Yay! Finally, something I can get behind (or down to, as it were), and put all my energy into! Cunnilingus is much more than just a sexual act - it's a way of life, an all emcompassing goodness. As Homer Simpson would say, "Mmmmmmmm, cunnilingus".

Make me look like a glazed donut, baby.

 
At 10:25 AM, Blogger theresa said...

Damn Joe, what is it with you and the donuts? Fuck, now I want a donut - or do I want someone to go down on me? The latter I'm sure!

Lu-Girl, I bet a tube of lube that a good muff-dive is just as good as a xanax!
And, find ol' Connie for a jam session!

 
At 10:55 AM, Blogger Kay said...

I like! Best of all, you can play with boyfriends or girlfriends! I'm hard to get off orally but I'd be willing to work with someone to improve his skills this year. Add that to my 2005 resolution list.

 
At 1:57 PM, Blogger Jay said...

I'll do my part. I try my best; my darling wife receives satisfaction most of the times that I try and that's most of the times we're intimate. My resolution for the year is to improve my technique.

My (our) problem is that there seems to be a fine line between rushing it and dawdling around. She generally comes quickly but not all that strong. When it's slower her desire and orgasm have more chance to build and it's much more powerful. Unfortunately often she will experience frustration instead of orgasm if it's too drawn out.

We will work on it.

I do have a standing offer to her: "I'll orally pleasure you anywhere, anytime you want it for as long as I'm physically capable, with no expectation of reciprocation."

Surprisingly she's never taken me up on the offer to have it a complete stand-alone act. I'm certainly okay with that too.

Performing cunnilingus is definitely one of my favorite pastimes and I can't imagine why anyone would avoid it.

Jay

 
At 2:25 PM, Blogger Lu said...

Ooohhh, Jay--you sound like a woman's dream! Your wife is very lucky!

I do have a comment, though, that may or may not pertain to you and your wife. Often, we old married couples forget to include something in our lovemaking that would bring the old excitement back. One thing that really gets a woman's blood boiling is the sheer anticipation of sex. Loooonnnnggg, drawn-out foreplay is soooo exciting--and I don't just mean kissing and feeling. I'm talking about romance: doesn't have to be wining and dining and long-stem roses, either. The look you give her when you first come home from work; the way you brush up against her while you're preparing dinner; being interested and attentive to what she has to say during the meal; offering to do the cleanup while she lounges on the couch with a brandy or, better yet, while she lounges in the tub with a brandy. All these things help to make a woman feel sexy (something married women just don't feel often enough). If she knows she's going to get some really good loving at the end of the evening, by the time you finally "get down there" she'll cum so fast and hard you won't believe it!

--Lu

 
At 3:04 PM, Blogger theresa said...

Ahem, please may I have what Kitti and Lu are having.
BTW - I'm with Jay. Most of the time I'm game for being on the giving end of oral sex. I like it a lot. But, seeing as it's almost 2005 (Year of Cunny), I'd like to see what the other side of the fence is like. If someone proposed Jay's idea, I'd go for it in a slick minute.

 
At 4:28 PM, Blogger John Q. Public said...

I'm right with you, Jay. I think pleasuring a woman is more for me than her - selfish, I know, but it's just one of those things I really enjoy. It's almost that you get to completely immerse yourself with your lover that way, you get all of her all at once.

Theresa, I've officially started the DA, Doughnuts Anonymouse. Damn 12 step programs, but I've been doughnut free for 2 days now.

Yay!!!

 
At 10:31 PM, Blogger Jay said...

Just an update for the beginning of 2005-

This afternoon our toddler was sleeping and the preschooler was watching TV so Kitti took me up on my offer.

With the toddler waking up when Kitti seemed oh so close it seemed like a frustrating experience was in order for her. Luckily I got the toddler interested in watching TV with the preschooler and returned to business.

It seemed tough for Kitti, but eventually she came with a smile on her face.

So there we are, January 1, one down. I'm definitely anticipating MY release though. I guess I got what I asked for but it seemed odd not even getting my pants off.

Jay

 
At 3:07 AM, Blogger theresa said...

You guys are great!

Congratulations Jay ... and Kitti.

Joe: I know where you're at man. The first days being donut-free are really tough. Give it up to your higher power, baby! I'm here for you if the cravings get really bad.

You've got the best attitude about getting into your lover.

 
At 5:57 PM, Blogger Ed said...

Hi Theresa and Lu,

I saw Theresa's comment on Koochie Taster but only just found this particular post via Jay Loves Kitti. Anyway, I will definitely support the Year of Cunnilingus. My wife and I have only managed one session of cunnilingus so far in 2005 but that yielded four or five orgasms.

I will sometimes lick her even when she doesn't want me to (because she is impatient to get on with penetration) as I enjoy it so much - and of course she does too when I get started.

Personally I like to use one tongue motion (eg up and down) until she comes, then switch to another (eg circular, slowly) until she comes again, then another (eg very, very lightly, hardly touching) until she comes again, and so on. Sometimes I will make her come quickly and sometimes I will keep her on the edge for as long as possible.

By the way, one point I have noticed is that when I'm licking my wife ejaculates fluid immediately before she comes, not at the point of coming. I find that fascinating - you would think both would happen at the same time. Don't know if this is the same for all women (those who do ejaculate) or if it's just my wife.

But anyway, I agree with Jay, I can't imagine why anyone would avoid it.

 
At 3:17 PM, Blogger Tommy said...

I have to admit that my face between my wife's thighs is my happy place. And I have been there two nights so far this year. What a lot of guys forget about while going down is that there is room for a vibrator as well and between the penetration with the toy and the cliteral stimulation with tongue, the oragsm can be almost violent. I can't keep MG hanging on the edge for too long because she is taking Cymbalta and that causes some problems. A week ago I licked her for almost an hour before she finally came, she had some small bruising and was a little sore the next day but God did she come.
Any way, I'll be linking this site for sure. It seems pretty fun already.

 
At 3:57 PM, Blogger glenn said...

Amen Amen, eating @ the "Y" wether it be "69" or stright on Clit lick. I enjoy stright on so I can see the joy on my ladys face. First I start out with a light blowing on the clit. (We joke that this is realy a BJ). Then a little light flicking of my toung on her clit. Then I useally dust it with my beard. Then on to the main event. I have found that useing the clit as the center of a clock face that about the 2 o'clock position gives the greatest pleasure to my lady. After a few small to med. "O"s And mayby a large one. I will insert one finger and press back toward my toung this has the effect of a massive "O" I belive that is also known as the "G" spot. I am luckey that my lady has clit that extends out and I can push the hood back and get to the realy sensitive area. One of her favorites is when I suck it in and out of my lips wile humming. We will continue with different varying toung manipulations. Till she beggs me to stop. Then its my turn (Grin). We know that its all about the "O"s. With out the "O" LVE is just letters. I'll keep on licking till my Hart stops ticking. 2005 lick it befor you stick it.

 
At 3:54 PM, Blogger Tommy said...

Has anyone ever heard of a Flaming Iceberg? If not then I may post the instructions later tonight. Its an old secret my oldest brother told me about when I first ventured into the thrill of muff-diving.

 
At 3:57 PM, Blogger Tommy said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 5:18 PM, Blogger Royce said...

Excellent. Let's hope it's also the year of superior hygiene!

 
At 4:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Following up on the post regarding superior hygiene, is there an enhanced risk of a yeast infection since the average mouth is such a source of germs/viruses etc? No doubt it is common sense to abstain if there is an obvious cold or some other health issue--but how about just average health? How about a strong mouth-wash prior to the activity? Any serious answers are appreciated.

 
At 5:49 PM, Blogger Lu said...

Tommy: It's interesting that your wife "has a little trouble" while on Cymbalta. I myself have recently switched to Cymbalta from Lexapro and Topamax (I'm still on Lamictal), and I've been having a great time! I'm going to have to do some research on how the various antidepressants affect sexual function and report my findings in this blog...

Anonymous: Very good question. Personally I've never gotten any kind of irritation or infection from oral sex, but I do get very sore if my partner touches me without washing his hands first. Also, I think mouthwash residue might burn a little, don't you?

--Lu

 
At 11:25 PM, Blogger Mo's Girl said...

I have posted the instructions for the Flaming Iceberg. (Not meaning to blog whore here but...)

 
At 12:55 PM, Blogger Tiger said...

daaaaaa-ang. (all this reading about eatin' pussy has got me way too hot.
...and distracted.
...and stuff :).
(cuz of course I had to read the linked "how to" guide and am thinking about emailing that link to my husband because even though he's pretty good... well helpful hints never hurt, right? :)
*sigh*

 
At 12:06 PM, Blogger Algor Langeaux said...

I would strongly suggest to anyone that wants to *recieve* better Cunnilingus, that they participate in my Cunnilingus Poll...

 
At 9:53 PM, Blogger piddler said...

somehow I stumbled into this place .. an it's a shame that I am just now finding out that 2005 is the year of Cunnilungus ..and here I thought I was damn good at making a woman explode many times when my quivering tongue and lips performed as directed ..

 
At 11:34 AM, Blogger R. U. Serious said...

Next time it's the year of something, you gotta tell a brother!

Damned If I Know

 
At 11:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i am forgotten my password, my name is being Tango Bejesus and i am thinking that i will be getting 62 blue M&M's :-)

 
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