Tuesday, December 21, 2004

My Nipples Are Hard and I'm Not Even Excited

Why the hell do I live in this goddamn frigid cold wasteland? There's not even snow to make it pretty or have something exciting to play with. And, I wonder why when people come in from the cold they always announce, "Man, it’s really cold out there!"? Oh, well thanks for the warning. I was just blowing up my floaty and making some Mai Tai’s to take to the beach. It’s a good thing you came along to give me a heads up. Why don't more people say something you don't already know like, "Man, it's so cold, my nipples are hard and I'm not even excited!"?

I have to admit that I'm guilty of the same thing. This afternoon when I get to work, the guy who works the morning shift is going to predictably ask me about the weather. And, I’m going to predictably do a fake shiver and dramatically announce, "Dave, it’s cold out there today, man!"

Maybe I should change the pattern and shake up his little predictable middle-age, middle-class world. I could get close and whisper, "I’m ready for the pool Hot Stuff. You with me? We’ll hit the road in the Honda and head south until it’s warm enough to get naked. Then we’ll check into the nearest Holiday Inn and bask away in the sunshine with a pitcher of Mai Tai’s at our side. I'm sure your wife and my husband will understand because it's really cold outside, man!"

That's a fun thought, but I'll probably just giggle a little when I tell him it's cold out today.

6 Comments:

At 9:39 AM, Blogger dwduck said...

Southern California...highs in the low 70's and lows in the high 40's. You can't beat good old Southern California weather. Perfect weather for anything. :P

 
At 9:44 AM, Blogger theresa said...

If anyone is wondering, I'm spending the holidays with Duck ... and maybe through Ground Hogs Day, Valentines Day, the President's birthdays and St Patrick's Day.

 
At 3:48 PM, Blogger Glorious Nonsense said...

I don't really have a comment on this post, I just saw this and though Theresa would think it was cool!

http://knitty.com/ISSUEwinter04/PATTwomb.html

 
At 6:18 PM, Blogger Kay said...

My nipples are ALWAYS hard. I used to think those little round Band-Aids were made just for my nipples on those days when they got irritated rubbing up whatever I might have been wearing and shifting around in too much.

Funny, I was just whining about the weather on my blog today too.

 
At 9:31 PM, Blogger theresa said...

Glorious: Leave it to you to find a pattern for a knitted uterus, complete with fallopian tubes, ovaries and a vagina. I love the photos of the completed project. The fact that it's bubblegum pink and can play the piano and hang from a tree like a monkey makes it all the more surreal. I guess we all know what everyone's getting for Christmas next year!

 
At 9:45 AM, Blogger Nany said...

Hey very interesting blog about My Nipples Are Hard and I'm Not Even Excited This can be for cold !! I have a problem with my nipples I think that I have inverted nipple someone know something about it?

 

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