Monday, December 26, 2005

CRUSHED

Remember when you were young and you’d get a crush on someone? You’d get nervous butterflies in your tummy and your palms would sweat whenever you were going to see him/her. You’d worry about how you looked or what you said, and inevitably, you’d stumble over your words or your feet and feel completely embarrassed for days or weeks afterwards. Your mind would wander off to little daydreams about him, and every once in a while, you’d let out a sweet little sigh of longing. Unfortunately, through life experience and the process of growing up, those little crushes faded to the background. You simply stopped having them.

Or maybe you didn’t …

I never did.

At any given time, I’m nurturing at least 4 or 5 crushes. The longest one is on the guy who works at my grocery store. I’ve had a crush on him for about 10 years. He’s sexy, smart, friendly and cute. We say hello or chat a little every time I stop in; and on a good day, I get a warm hug too. This is the perfect crush. It almost got ruined once when he asked me out. I agreed, got as far as getting his phone number and promising to call, but then I kept making up excuses and apologizing every time I saw him. Eventually, it was just forgotten. Some crushes are meant to stay crushes forever.

It seems like there are different kinds of crushes.

There’s the Stranger Crush, which is an obsession with someone based almost entirely on their physical appearance. I definitely outgrew this one somewhere around the George Michael – Wham years.

There are the Acquaintance Crushes, like the one above. This is when you develop fanciful ideas about someone based on initial impressions. You might go out of your way to run into them, or you make a few inquiries to discover more interesting tid-bits about them. (Yes, I know the grocery-store guy’s work schedule. I even know when and where he goes on vacation - - he told me. No, I don’t lurk outside his residence. I don’t even know where he lives. Okay ... I kinda know where he lives ... the neighborhood, but not the exact house. Stop badgering me. I'm not a stalker!)

There are the Type Crushes. This is when you find yourself attracted to someone because of perceived traits or stereotypes (e.g. bad boy / bad girl, hot-jocks, construction workers, sexy librarians). Mine was a professor crush. It resulted in a tumultuous 11-month relationship with an exceptionally brilliant, un-treated bi-polar arrogant ass who was 18 years older than me. I was 25 at the time. I pursued him. That was easy. Getting out was the tough part.

Last, are the Friend Crushes. These are my very favorite, and the kind I have most often nowadays. I meet someone and we become friends, and then once in a while something about them tickles my fancy. Occasionally, it’s an old friend who I’ve known for a while, but who suddenly seems different in some way. I ended up marrying one of those crushes.

It’s easy to get obsessed with ideas. People are ideas too … at least in our minds they are ideas of sorts. We can get an idea about someone and wrap it all up in the longing created by our imagination. We fall in crush with the idea of a person. We fall in love with the person. There’s a big difference. You can even know a person fairly well and develop a crush on them, but your crush is the idea of what it would be like to be with them. When you get to know them intimately and get to know what it’s really like to be with them, only then do you discover love … if you’re lucky.

By the way, I have a HUGE crush on you.

18 Comments:

At 12:46 PM, Blogger Polyman2 said...

The mind
is the largest
sexual organ.

 
At 12:56 PM, Blogger Laurie said...

I agree with what polyman2 above said for sure.

It is true that many times the fantasy is much better than the reality; as I've matured, I have learned to keep fantasies just that, so as not to ruin the dream. Instant gratification is nice, but when it's over... it's over.

Good post, my blogger girl crush :-)

 
At 2:44 PM, Blogger Steve said...

Like what my wife once said,

"I was never really worried about you leaving me, for her. It's not like she's ever lived with you! She has no real concept!"

Ouch!!!

One year later, I am glad to say that things are much better between us now. A huge, huge difference.

 
At 2:44 PM, Blogger JayneSays said...

Ahhh, I keep thinking I've "outgrown" them. Then I get hit HARD. The longing, the fantasy, the low pathetic internal whine of unrequited want. I love my lighter crushes, but the ones that hurt. Sigh. Well, I guess I love those too. (PS you look cute today! ; P)

 
At 5:06 PM, Blogger theresa said...

Polyman2 - I agree. I'd be a very sad girl if it weren't for my imagination.

Laurie - *blushing*
Yeah, and the guys in my fantasies don't fart and pull the covers over my head.

Steve - Married-monogamous people have crushes too. It's what you do or don't do about it that matters.
Glad things are good for you at home.

Jayne - You bright girl. I wondered if anyone would bring up the painful angst of the "crush". Afterall, the word itself implies a certain amount of injury. I have to watch out for the achey-longing-all-consuming ones. In an effort to ease the pain, I sometimes do incredibly stupid things ... errr, more so than usual.

 
At 10:07 PM, Blogger Maverick said...

Wow, I'm so glad you finally told me. Frankly, I love it when people have crushes on me. It's so sweet and innocent, and beautiful.

By the way, I simulatenously have all of the crushes that you mentioned. I believe that if I stop having crushes on people, and joy for life, I better just hang it the fuck up.


Spitting in a Wishing Well

 
At 1:27 AM, Blogger Al said...

T - hmmmmmmm the whole mind as a sexual organ made me realize the importance of thinking big. The smart ass in me wants to say that growing up, I really liked Orange Crush soda, but being a Cleveland Browns fan, I hated Denver's Orange Crush Defense. Most of all, I'll just feel lucky to be crushing on someone and feel even luckier that I'm being crushed upon.

 
At 7:42 AM, Blogger Dick the Boomer said...

I KNOW I have a crush on you. At least the grocery guy can see you, talk with you, and hug you.

Here's the olny hug I have -(((HUG)))

 
At 8:39 AM, Blogger theresa said...

Stacie - I'm with you. I like being crushed on. It's even better when it's mutual.

Al - With that big sexy brain of yours, you'll have all the girls crushin' on you! Just make sure you save some for me.

Dick - The truth is, the grocery store guy doesn't do it for me like he used to. However, a virtual hug from a sweet hottie like you ... mmmhmmm

 
At 9:58 AM, Blogger ZooooM said...

Crushes are fun. I remember being in 6th grade and confusing crushes with actual relationshipal compatibility. I could not figure out why people I started "dating" (if it could be called that in 6th grade back when I was that young) didn't last.

Now that I know what they are, they are great fun. My favorites are the ones you like...the ones where a friend "tickles your fancy". Excellent description.

 
At 1:00 PM, Blogger Julie said...

I love crushes! I remember looking forward to the first day of school to see who the cute boys (or girls) were in my new classes...and first days of work are great opportunities to meet me crushes!
Lately I been having girl crushes on my fitness instructors and my massage therapists...yum!
I actually had a big crush on my guy before we started dating. We were friends for over a year first. We were in relationships with other people and our fliration was very fun and safe...and then when we found ourselves single the crush and flirtation moved into friends with benefits and then one day just burst into love!

 
At 1:38 PM, Blogger Blazngfyre said...

I'm in MAJOR CRUSHAGE with you my smart, sexy HOTT-T!

*SIGH*

ps/congrats on fulfilling your Christmas 'wish' of knitting all those scarves, mittens, hats, etc.
Again, one more reason why I love you so much, and why I will NEVER fall out of 'crush' with you!
*smooches*

 
At 7:21 AM, Blogger Chick said...

Well said...that's why love at first sight is a silly concept...peope fall in love with the idea of someone...but honestly have no clue what the real person is like.

I'm crushing on YOU (& your wonderful way with words).

 
At 7:57 AM, Blogger Popeye said...

Crushes are just fun.. .

 
At 1:17 PM, Blogger AndyT13 said...

I dunno. Mostly I've followed through on crushes. Sometimes it was better than expected, other times not. I guess it all depends. How's THAT for decisive? Anyway I hope your holidays were lovely.

 
At 4:37 PM, Blogger Erin said...

Theresa - I've been AWOL for a while, and it's good to be back! I needed this post, as right now I'm trying to revel in my crushes more. I have several going at the moment, and I am way too analytical about their relative appropriateness. Thanks for reminding me that they don't have to be appropriate. Often it's better when they're not.

I always call my crushes "guys" -- The Tea Guy, The Hair Guy, The Guy with the Teeth...

Great post!

 
At 8:47 AM, Blogger theresa said...

Zooooooms - I like tickles everywhere, especially my fancy (did I say that outloud?)

Julie - Huge congratulations on your crush - - Love - - engagement! Glad you're back. Hope you had a lot of fun.

Blaze - Mutual crushes - THE BEST! Love ya hot stuff!

Chick - Isn't it the truth! I may be a HUGE romantic sappy thang, but I've never thought much of love-at-first-site either.

Popeye - Lots of times ...

Andy - If I followed up on every crush I ever had, I'd have died from exhaustion years ago.
I think you're unique, Andy. Few people are so brave and bold.

Erin - Oh yes, inappropriate crushes, fanciful notions, and elaborate fantasies are all in Theresa's bag of fun gettin'-thru-the-day tricks.
Good to see you again!

 
At 3:22 AM, Blogger Tiger said...

I love a good crush... there's something about that electrical Fun (even a bit angsty--there's nothing wrong with a *touch* of angst now & again! :) Crush Energy.

(I thought I outgrew those "purely based on physical appearances type crushes... really I did... but I suddenly find myself with a bad hankering for some Ewan McGregor & that would be oh... yeah, pretty much for that smile of his... :D)

Hello You!! Wishing you a wonderful New Year & all that stuff!
xxoo,

 

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