Saturday, October 01, 2005

A Public Service Announcement From My Vagina (Part 2)


We highly recommend that you avoid putting limes in your vagina. Likewise, if someone else says "Do you mind if I put a lime in your vagina?", we suggest that you politely say "No thank you". While limes and other citrus fruits are colorful and create an interesting aesthetic, they seem better suited for seafood garnishes and cocktails.

Admittedly, we have not systematically studied the long and short-term effects of lime insertion in vaginas. However, we’ve decided to go out on a limb with a few unproven warnings anyway. (If we’re wrong, we promise to make a public apology.)

  1. Germies: If not thoroughly washed, the lime could contaminate your vagina with who-knows-what-from-who-knows-where-it’s-been.
  2. Stuckage: That looks like a pretty tight fit. Do you want to risk a visit to the Emergency Room to answer the inevitable "So what seems to be the problem?"
  3. Ouchies: If the lime is scratched or punctured in any way, the juice could sting your tender bits.
  4. Stinkage: If you don’t change your lime regularly, it could develop a foul odor.
  5. Grief, loss & humiliation: If you leave the lime in there too long, your vagina may eventually suffocate and fall off. You don’t want your pussy to fall off do you? My luck, it would happen while I was standing in line at the super market. And, I don’t think my medical insurance covers reattachment.

We suggest you stick to the basics when it comes to putting things in your vagina. Fingers, tongues, dildos, vibrators, tampons, lube, diaphragms . . . hmmm, what am I forgetting? Oh, and beautiful engorged latex covered penises!

With Love
And tongue


In cheek,

Your faithful & adoring Love Goddess and her happy & healthy vagina.

25 Comments:

At 12:52 AM, Blogger No_the_game said...

Hey Theresa,

When I read your post the entire time one question was in my mind: Who's virgana this one? Is it yours?

:)

 
At 1:31 AM, Blogger theresa said...

I tried to find out who's vagina this is, but when I tracked it back to the source, I hit a dead end.

It's most definitely not mine. My vagina would be very cranky if I stuffed a lime in her.

 
At 4:34 AM, Anonymous ed said...

Does make for a very striking photo though.

 
At 5:57 AM, Blogger Yoga Korunta said...

Let's hope she used K-Y jelly!

 
At 4:24 PM, Blogger Kyle Stich said...

Maybe the stuffer had read the article about a group of Australian researchers who claim a little slice of citrus inserted inside the vagina before intercourse helps prevent AIDS, and took it to the extreme.

I don't think germs are really an issue, as citrus is often used as a mighty potent cleaner and antiseptic. I'd fear the acids drying out those terrific vaginal juices.

 
At 5:23 PM, Blogger Popeye said...

Just imagine the gin and tonic, though. . .

 
At 7:48 PM, Blogger ZooooM said...

Limina. And I thought picking up a beer bottle with the coolie was a no-no. Apparently this girl hangs out with Corona drinkers.

 
At 10:54 PM, Blogger lust, sex & Love said...

wow, a very striking photo

 
At 7:45 AM, Blogger theresa said...

Ed - It certainly is eye-catching isn't it?

Yoga - Yeah, that lime didn't accidentally fall in there.

Kyle - Leave it to you to actually know something about this. Very impressive! I have to say, I don't think I'm going to give up condoms in favor of lime slices to protect myself from HIV, nor am I going to tidy up down yonder with a juicy garnish, but you've definitely shed some light on this little mystery.

Popeye - That's a whole new spin on the term COCK . . . tail.

Zoooom - Do what with a what? Man, I need to get out more ... or maybe not.

L, S & L - I was impressed with the color composition.

 
At 8:29 AM, Blogger Al said...

ummm Holy Crap - i think says it all and I bet she never comes down with scurvy

 
At 8:48 AM, Blogger Mr 5.25 said...

you put the lime in the coconut

 
At 11:20 AM, Blogger Julie said...

Ha! I can't think of anything else I would rather see this morning! Stress just seems to evaporate when confronted with a lime-filled vagina!

 
At 2:08 PM, Blogger Sunney said...

I have to say, it is a really pretty pussy, and suddenly I am craving a margarita for some reason. Oh right, I'm breathing, that's why.

 
At 3:41 PM, Blogger AndyT13 said...

OK, so call me "Buzz Kill" but the obvious "photoshopped-ness" of the photo kinda wrecks the effect for me. As far as other things to fill the void I can think of quite a few things you might have missed.
Chocolates, candy canes (big ones), honey, chocolate syrup, whipped cream, cherry....Hwy! It's a pussy Sundae! Uh...OK then...

 
At 6:58 PM, Blogger theresa said...

Al - Maybe she's a Pirate.

Mr. 5.25 - Since Al didn't provide me with a song to have stuck in my head all day, thanks for that!

Julie - A twisted perspective adjustment for a Monday morning.

Sunney - You're a smart girl. Margaritas go with everything.

Andyt13 - Awww, Damn! You are a total buzz-kill, Dude! At least you made up for it with the pussy sundae.

 
At 11:41 PM, Blogger nosthegametoo said...

I feel sorry for the man in her life.

 
At 8:20 AM, Blogger Blazngfyre said...

THAT'S not how to make a Mojito!

 
At 12:57 PM, Blogger Tiger said...

oh my god!! that's too much!

 
At 2:16 PM, Blogger Laurie said...

I work in an ER - and I've seen a lot of things, but have yet to see a lime. Saw a Campbell's soup can up a guy's ass once - on xray - he bought hisself a ticket to the OR.

I prefer a lemon twist, myself.

 
At 3:48 PM, Blogger gnightgirl said...

I have a friend that is always wondering if things will fit up her nose...a leftover childhood fetish. We once designed a poster for her listing things you can, and things you canNOT put up your nose.

I wonder if I should take her aside, and make sure her nose is the only thing we should be monitoring.

 
At 6:39 PM, Blogger Bougie Black Boy said...

oh lord. this is hilariously disgusting! And oddly sexy

 
At 10:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

nice use of vagina and fruit . next time id put in a gallon of milk

 
At 10:23 AM, Anonymous vag liker said...

next time try fingering u self with u hole hand

 
At 10:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

pineapple nxt time

 
At 3:34 PM, Anonymous sexy sheer lingerie said...

hello
These practices foreign to many can be very dangerous .. We have heard about women who introduce foreign objects into their vaginas have had to be operated to emergency

 

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