Saturday, October 22, 2005

A Public Service Announcement From Jane Russell's Vagina

I was thinking about sex today, because that's what I'm apt to do on days when I breathe air, and it occurred to me that Jane Russell would want me to write something about responsible sexual behavior. Although I know nothing about Jane Russell, I discovered this picture of her looking like a Hot Chik Cowgirl and concluded that she probably thought about ridin’ wild stallions a lot. I imagine she was also a stand-up gal, so she would have thought about the consequences before she mounted her stud for long satisfying ride.

It seems to me, most of us think we're mature and thoughtful about our sexual activity. However, that assumption doesn’t take into consideration the slew of myths & misconceptions, personal denial and fear, or even dumbass impulsiveness. Sometimes people get a thought in their head, and despite evidence to the contrary, they stick with it because the new information is scary, they have to admit that they’re wrong, or they have to make uncomfortable changes. Unfortunately, the world doesn’t slow down and wait for us to catch up, and we can’t bury our heads in the sand like a silly flock of flightless birds.

Unless you have a serious allergy, latex is your friend. Get used to it. Play with it. Make it a part of your sexy, sassy, erotic experiences.

I once knew a non-monogamous woman who said she didn’t want her Lovers to use condoms because she wouldn’t sleep with someone she didn’t trust. Fuck that! Those nasty STD germies don’t give a flying rat’s ass about trust, bonding or Love. They don’t care if your feelings will be hurt by an infection. They just want to move about and populate as much human flesh as possible.

Even if you’re in a long-term, monogamous relationship, you shouldn’t ride the range bareback until you’ve both been tested. Some of our sturdy steeds, no matter how sweet and loyal, may have something nasty lurking about from months or years ago. Likewise, you could have something unknown and harmful. You should take care to protect yourself and your handsome new pony. Most people who pass along STDs don’t know they're infected. Very few of us purposely hurt one another, and those who do are sick and need serious help.

HIV is the big scary germ most of us think of when STDs are mentioned. Unfortunately, too many people still think it’s a virus mostly concentrated amongst gay men and drug users. NEWS FLASH: For many years, HIV and other STDs have been spread amongst young hetero teens and adults. WHY? Because they are more likely to have several partners over the course of their dating years. They are also more likely to behave impulsively, especially if drugs and alcohol are involved.

Condoms aren’t just for pregnancy prevention. They can save your health and your life. Unfortunately, I’ve had to turn away a couple promising Lovers because they didn’t accept this truth. They told me they didn’t like the feeling of condoms and wouldn’t agree to use them. It’s one of the few absolute deal-breakers on this Hot Chik’s ranch. I don’t care if you’re George, Denzel and Brad all delivered on a beautiful Man-Combo platter . . .

*Whew* . . .

I need a minute to think . . .

. . . and it doesn’t matter if you have a dozen roses and the keys to my new Jag, you also better be packing a Trojan . . . or two . . . or three . . . or . . .

Where was I? (It's hard to concentrate on what I'm writing when Denzel is looking at me like that . . . but I don't want him to stop)

Oh! Don’t forget to get tested regularly:
Unless you’re in a long-term monogamous relationship, this is really important. What you don’t know CAN hurt you. Some STDs can be easily treated and cured. Others, like HIV, don’t have a cure, but they have treatments. When started early, these treatments can improve the quality of one’s life indefinitely.
(testing applies to George, Denzel and Brad too)

So take it from me, and Jane . . . and probably George, Denzel and Brad
(you don’t think they’re a bunch of dumbasses do you?)



And while you’re at it, don’t lie or say mean things to one another, either.


For more information on STDs and preventing the spread of STDs, go HERE and HERE (HIV/AIDS specific)


At 5:02 PM, Blogger Larry Jones said...

Got that message, thank you (and Jane...).

At 5:44 PM, Blogger littlefeet said...

make it easy...get tested every time you have your yearly exam...and yes, males should get one too... :)


At 6:57 PM, Blogger Ed said...

I must admit that is one big advantage of being monogomous for 25 years (and having had a vasectomy) - no more condoms.

Good advice for anyone not in that position though.

By the way, in the days when I did have to wear condoms I had a condom break on me on two occasions so they're not infallible.

At 12:59 AM, Blogger Bougie Black Boy said...

About to have a bit of a controversy start on my blog with my latest post. Come see, I need you and the rest of your artillary to help out. See "my alleged war-mongering heritage" post.

At 1:46 PM, Blogger ZooooM said...

I AM allergic to the latex, and I endured it anyway. Until I met C, and yes we both are now tested, I figured "what's a three day discomfort from a latex romp when compared to - you know - dying."

Because there's a lot more sassing that I have to do in this lifetime. I'm not letting some guy's tainted peen take me out before I'm ready to go.

No wonder my mom has always been convinced I'd never find a man.

At 7:26 AM, Blogger Yoga Korunta said...

I have some info you may wish to share; please write.

At 8:17 AM, Blogger Laurie said...

thanks for the PSA... and for that absolutely stunning pic of Denzel.. man, I could get totally lost in that gaze... sigh.

At 8:33 AM, Blogger Mr 5.25 said...

I really like the Inspiral brand of condoms

At 9:08 AM, Blogger Curious1 said...

Very good post. People do need to be more aware of what's really good... Unfortunately even with the facts people still think they're untouchable. Also even if their was a cure for HIV, do you think poor folk would be able to afford it?

At 9:24 AM, Blogger Sunney said...

Huh? Wha? Yeah, Denzel is distracting me too. And well, huge honorable mention for lovely Jane. She is one hot tamale.

At 10:30 AM, Blogger Bougie Black Boy said...

And more importantly, the largest growing cases are among women. So take care of yourself, ladies.

At 11:50 AM, Blogger Blazngfyre said...


Many moons ago (1989 to be exact), I was working as an EMT and was "accidentally" stuck with a dirty needle.
I was tested right away, and then 6 months later, and then again a year later.
I still get tested, every year.
Simple, they don't know the EXACT gestation period. It once was 5 yrs, then 10, then 12, now ... ?????
I have told EVERY single lover the date of my last test, and that I am clean.
Unfortunately, I am allergic to latex, but used them anyway, and now they make some FANTASTIC alternatives that DO prevent std's (lamb skin DOES NOT).
So really, there should be NO EXCUSES!

At 2:30 PM, Blogger Chick said...

Great PSa...but why is pretty Brad...wearing what looks like a dress?

At 10:31 PM, Blogger theresa said...

Larry - Jane says you're welcome.

Monkey - That's my usual schedule too.

Ed - You have the best possible situation. And, you're right about condoms not being entirely reliable.

Stephen - Thanks for the tip. The dialogue was very interesting, despite the disturbing cause.
Thanks for adding the fact that women are at higher risk.

Zoooom - You should be our sassy Hot Chik Poster Girl for Safer Sex!

Yoga - I tried to write, but my Outlook Express is being cantankerous. You can email me at

Laurie - Some guys know how to grab a girl's attention.

Mr. 5.25 - Thanks. I'll keep that in mind.

Curious1 - Good point. As it is, poor folk who are HIV positive and dependent on medicine to keep them healthy, often have to become completely dependent on the government, or they have to do without. And, public assistance only approves some of the recommended treatments, so the poor have less of a chance than those with resources.

Sunney - Cross my heart, I think that pic of Jane is totally Hhhottt!

Blaze - Too scary! I'm glad you're okay.

Chik - I'm pretty sure it's an Annie Leibowitz photo. She's the artist who did the infamous John and Yoko photograph . . . but you already knew that.

At 12:43 PM, Blogger Julie said...

Great post! I love how you education and titillate at the same time. My current partner is a dream when it comes to protection. I have dated a few guys in the past that would complain that they were too small or they couldn't feel anything. When I was younger I would feel guilty when I asked that we use a condom because of the reaction I would sometimes get. I hate that someone could make me feel small for wanting to take care of myself. Never again!


Post a Comment

<< Home