Wednesday, August 24, 2005


Breasts are an emotionally charged topic in our culture. Although they have a biological function to provide food for our new ones, they also have a larger sexual attraction meaning for us. Men become dazed and confused when they encounter a particularly striking set of knockers, and women fret over even minor flaws and imperfections in what might otherwise be their own unique beauty.

Since I had my first mammogram last week, I’ve been thinking about my own tatas quite a bit lately. I’ve also spent more time looking at them and studying them. The only conclusion I can come up with is that they are really quite ordinary.

At 5’9”, I wear a 38C bra. Since I have shoulders like a linebacker, my boobs seem to fit my frame quite nicely. They don’t sag down to my knees, nor do they point to the stars. They’re just out there … kinda like breasts are apt to do. The best quality about them are the nipples. I like the way they get very rosy and plump when properly stimulated.

While waiting for my mammo results, I was only mildly tense. It was like waiting for my annual STD test results. I don’t expect any problems, but I get tested because of the “just in case” scenarios.

Thinking about “just in case” makes a girl wonder about a few things.
What if I’m one of the one in five?
What if I lose one or both?
What would that be like?

I’m sure I’d be grateful to be alive, but I’d also have to cope with life without my pretty, but ordinary looking, boobs. Instead, there would be a big ol’ scar. I bet the myriad of proposals I get for sex would come to a screeching halt. (Some of those proposals are serious. Others are meant to be flirtatious and flattering.) Nevertheless, life is much more than boobs and sex.

If I remember correctly, we decided it had more to do with LOVE.

I got my letter in the mail yesterday. As expected, I have healthy hooters. Life goes on as usual.

I’ve been invited to a Pear Festival this weekend. It’s an annual neighborhood party hosted by a friend. One of the scheduled activities at the party is a contest for “Miss Best Pear”. My friend has challenged me to participate since attitude has much to do with the outcome. Heaven knows, what I don’t have in cleavage I can more than make up for in enthusiasm. Look for my victory announcement early next week!


At 2:00 PM, Blogger Mr 5.25 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 3:33 PM, Blogger Erin said...

Sometimes I stare at my breasts and think "What is the fascination?" But perhaps this is only because they are not my own best feature. There is something very powerful about breasts, and yes, they are beautiful.

At 4:37 PM, Blogger figleaf said...

"Men become dazed and confused when they encounter a particularly striking set of knockers, and women fret over even minor flaws and imperfections in what might otherwise be their own unique beauty."

Nice, hefty, well-matched set of ideas there, Theresa. The funny thing is that the man could be flustered and the woman fretting over the same breasts. Eerie how much discontent breasts cause -- she hoping he won't notice her flaws, he hoping she won't notice that he's noticed how attractive they are.


At 5:58 PM, Blogger Julie said...


I love the images you use for your entries!
Ah boobs...when I was in junior high, my friend's older sister looked at a picture of us in our swimsuits and commented on how large my boobs were. I was mortified! After that, every night I prayed, "Dear lord, please don't let my boobs get bigger! Please make them smaller!" Cut to just a few years later when I would pray, "Dear lord, please make my boobs grow!" I'm not kidding! So silly! Now, as I near 30 I'm OK with my B cups...they still create some lovely cleavage.

At 11:32 PM, Blogger ZooooM said...

C calls one of my melons "Big Rightie". She is slightly larger than the left, enough to visibly see it, but not enough to be overly obvious.

At 11:53 PM, Blogger Monty said...

Show a lot of clevage for the Ms. Best Pear contest, bedazzle and confuse the men and cause the women to fret, and win the damn contest because it will now be called the Ms. Best Pair contest and announce your victory early next week.

One in five means four in five wins, four times as many that have a new journey to take. At some point we all find out that we are the one in five. Make sure you have no regrets from now and handle the new journey with the most dignity you can muster.

You hit big, with the 80%, so celibrate, live large, and keep on making your own history. And please, keep writing about it here!

At 8:16 AM, Blogger theresa said...

Mr 5.25 - calm down there buddy...

erin - I often think other peoples breasts are more beautiful than my own. I wonder if it's because I'm just so accoustomed to looking at mine.

figleaf - Your comment rings very true. I recall a time not terribly long ago when I stood nervously before a new lover. His first response was to say something ridiculously adolescent. It still makes me laugh.

Julie - I've prayed for similar things. Maybe we should have been praying for self-acceptance instead.

Zoooom - Is it presumptuous to assume the other is "Little Leftie"? I've heard that we're all a little different on each side. In fact, I suspect one side of my ass is larger than the other, but I can't seem to get around there to check and see for myself.

Monty - I love your perspective on our the 4 in 5. As for the Pear/Pair Fest, I'll do my best to daze and bedazzle, but I'm not so much about the causing my girls to fret. Isn't there enough goofy competition amongst women?

At 8:55 AM, Blogger Blazngfyre said...

Oh Hot-T, I'm sure your breasts are more than 'ordinary'! They sound luscious ....
Then again, I LOVE TATAS, so they're ALL beautiful to me!

"I’m sure I’d be grateful to be alive, but I’d also have to cope with life without my pretty, but ordinary looking, boobs. Instead, there would be a big ol’ scar"

My sister-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer earlier this year.
She had a partial mastectomey to remove the cancerous flesh, and yes, she has a scar, but she is PROUD of that scar! She bares her 'girls' now just to show that she is a survivor!
She approaches her breast cancer with hope, and an iron willed determination to beat it.
She just finished her radiation back in July, and so far, so good.
She is such a HUGE inspiration to me! I tell my Brother all the time how lucky HE is to have her for his wife. He agrees.

At 9:19 AM, Blogger theresa said...

Oh Blaze! Thank You! I was hoping someone would give us a good dose of reality. I didn't want to write about what it's like to have or survive breast cancer because I've never been close to it. But the truth is, real beauty is more than a couple of mamms. It's in the spirit of the girl beneath them.

At 9:18 PM, Blogger Maverick said...

yeah, see, that's the thing when we live in a society where men still say things like "A wife has to perform her Christian duties" ...

mine are so big that frankly I've often wished I had none. I don't think I would want to have it done that way, though. Glad to hear that yours are still good for the squeeezin.

Spitting in a Wishing Well

At 9:26 PM, Blogger Kyle Stich said...

I have a question for you, Theresa:

Did your health insurance cover the mammogram? And if so, who's your provider?

At 9:47 PM, Anonymous Dating said...

I wish I didn't have breasts. They are a pain in the ass.

At 9:53 PM, Blogger theresa said...

Sta-cie - Unfortunately, there are still barbarians among us that don't understand that the boobie belong to the woman, not the man. So if something happens to them, it's about HER, not HIM.

Kyle - I have a co-pay, but it's fairly minimal. My company offers several policies. I have coverage through Cigna.

At 11:28 PM, Blogger Monty said...

I really borrowed bedazzling and fretting from you, ma'am. Useless competition, includes the Ms. Best Pear competition. Let 'sm oh and ah over the pears and present the trophy to the farmer that grew the best pears. Otherwise, let all the hot chiks root for you, and let the 'other' unenlightened women fret. Then, show them the way! Just puts more leadership back on your shoulders. Glad you have those linebacker shoulders, that's a heavy weight to carry!

On a much more serious note. The boob may belong to the woman, but if the woman thinks she is losing her femininity because of a mastectomy, then I lose too. And, I do not lose easily. Women are women because they want to be women, and they act like women. No woman I desire is required to have boobs. Ever. I'll love her for the feminine qualities she exudes. A little pouty smile, and who needs much more?? These people are eminently huggable, and the existentialist seem to think hugging is critical to making people feel connected. Got an opinion on this Theresa?

At 11:30 PM, Blogger Monty said...


There's something so very feminine about this blog. I have to get up in 5 hours for a 2 hour meeting where I'm supposed to make sense. So I came here. I just needed that concentrated dose of female. Good night all!

At 5:05 AM, Blogger Tiger said...

I like breasts... a lot. When it comes to that special pull I might feel towards a woman :) I know it's not about the breasts... their just a really, really NICE ummm...
PERK! :)

I have small-ish ones. They aren't quite so perky since I've had and nursed two babes you know? & I find I do have to remind myself that perfection is NOT a pre-defined concept. ...and I'm nearing 35. ...and I've had & nursed two children... ANYway. My point really was this--I don't know what I wore the other day but I had some definite "people are talking to my boobs" action going on. was an ODD (and oddly satisfying--*shrugs* sorry! :) sensation. (if only because it was something I really don't know that I've experienced before... or maybe *noticed* might be a better word)

At 5:10 AM, Blogger Tiger said...

Oh... & reading through the notes--(including my own--"their a nice perk!" ugh--THEY'RE a nice perk)

My right breast is larger than my left as well.
I'd also like to say that I LIKE the fact that mine are small-ish. When I was pregnant & nursing I was able to experience having big ones. ...I'm a stomach sleeper... they got in the way. I was glad to have the experience but when I was done nursing my daughter & all the weight I'd gained started to come off...

I do have to say I was glad to have my "old" small-ish boobies back!! :)

At 7:07 AM, Blogger Al said...

I saw a comedian once who said she had magic boobs. She said "abra cadabra", Lifted her shirt, said "poof" - "now all the straight men in the audience are speechless idiots". All the women there started laughing hysterically. All us guys just sat there and hoped she showed her boobs again.

At 7:38 AM, Blogger David said...

Great news about your.... chest.


.... serious.....


At 1:15 PM, Blogger Kyle Stich said...

Kudos to Cigna, because too many insurance companies no longer cover mammograms unless the doc has a strong suspicion that there may be cancer.


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