Thursday, August 11, 2005

Cranky-Ass Thoughts

I get confused and annoyed when some men complain about how much money they spend in order to keep women happy. First, if you're that guy, please go away from me. I don't want to hear it and I certainly don't want your shallow attention. Two, in my lifetime I've spent more money on men than they've spent on me. It wasn’t because I had to, it was because, at the time, I wanted to. After the majority going dutch dates, gifts, personal loans and travel expenses, the boys and I are probably about even. However, I'm out another sizable chunk of change when I add in the high cost of making and keeping myself attractive, soft and smooth. I also need to keep a decent personal wardrobe (including freakishly expensive lingerie). And avoiding offensive odors in favor of the pretty ones is a fairly high priority.

I'm certain that I'm not unique. Ordinary women like myself aren't making out like bandits every time they get a new fella. Here’s how it really works.

There are especially beautiful women in the world who men (especially heterosexual men) will do ANYTHING for. Men don’t even have to know these women. They simply need to glimpse her and they’ll walk their impetuous bare man-feet across broken glass just to kiss the hem of her skirt. These women are showered with gifts and treated like royalty. They merely need to go about their happy little lives basking in the glory of their adoration … even if it is superficial.

It’s not that I admire these women, or even resent them because they are getting something that I want. She’s simply playing the hand that she was dealt, and this time around it’s paying off in ways that seem advantageous. If she’s smart, she’ll take what she can get, NOW, while the gettin' is good. Who knows how long it will last; and maybe in her next lifetime she’ll come back as a Troll or a Giant Ground Sloth.

What troubles me is that too many of the men who worship these modern-day goddesses become rankled and bitter when their shallow affection isn’t returned. They blame ALL women instead of recognizing their own foolishness as the problem. My hope is that a few of these misguided fellows come around, learn from their experiences and take responsibility for their own folly. Maybe one of them will realize that a true Beauty is in his own backyard … although it’s unlikely that he’s good enough for her.

I like learning from my experiences. This week has been a particularly enriching week for my education in the School of Life. This is what I’ve learned so far:

1.) I expend far too much energy on The Unworthy
2.) Money is for shoes and alcohol, not for men ... at least not MY money
3.) I can drink 5 mojitos in 3 hours and still walk

4.) From now on, if they want it, they have to earn it ... and the hurdles have gone up a few notches
5.) Some people will do and say almost anything to get what they want
6.) Okay, okay … some of the Assholes in my life aren’t really so bad
7.) No matter how many men roll through my life, I'll always have my girls
... and they can kick all their unworthy asses
... which my hot chiks won't really do, because that's not cool
... it could mess up a perfectly good fifty dollar manicure.
8.) I can still get away with not wearing a bra if my dress is tight enough

9.) Here's a good one ... Apparently I intimidate people, I mean men, because I seem smart. I was told to dumb-it-down a bit. Yeah, I'll get right on that one.
10.) I don’t have to be in a good mood all the damn time

No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.


At 8:53 PM, Blogger Kimberly said...

I love your Blog! You are so right! I have had Men like these and I'm soooo tired of their complaints!

At 1:36 AM, Blogger Larry Jones said...

I hope you delete the above comment spam before it starts to smell.

Also: Now I will dream about you in a tight dress and no bra.

At 8:59 AM, Blogger Erin said...

I spent a couple years amped up on being desirable. I practiced the eyeliner, spent untold hundreds on uncomfortable shoes and purses I had to clutch in my hand(wtf?!). I had cute, flippy hair and flirty dresses. And yeah, men ate it up. Now I've "let myself go," as they say, and dropped off the radar of the Unworthy. Sometimes I miss it, sometimes I don't. But there is no question that it's a hell of a lot cheaper.

At 9:58 AM, Blogger Jay said...

Men are bitter about many, many things. Maybe as many as women.

Hey- where did that link to the ceiling fan site go? I needed it!


At 11:42 AM, Blogger Blazngfyre said...

"9.) Here's a good one ... Apparently I intimidate people, I mean men, because I seem smart. I was told to dumb-it-down a bit. Yeah, I'll get right on that one."

Oh my sweet hot chik T! This one KILLS me!!!! I have heard this from many an ex-lover! Not only was I told to 'dumb-it-down', it was 'suggested' that I not be so INDEPENDENT!

Yep, i'm ALL over that!

At 12:04 PM, Blogger Ron Southern said...

I have let women spend money on me my whole life, mostly because I didn't have any at the time. Also, because I have no shame (about that sort of thing). I have no idea how anyone but stupid people would want you to dumb it down. Smart women have always turned me on. I love you for being smart, not for using vulgar bits of language! Oh, and for wearing tight anything. Come to think of it, I like it loose, too. (Nyuck, nyuck.) How do I love thee? Let me count the ways! Meanwhile, roll over and talk to me until I pant myself into pantemonium.

p.s. I couldn't spell mojitas 5 times in 3 hours and still be able to walk--especially when drinking mojitas. Say, gimme some a that! What is a jojojita, anyway?

At 12:59 PM, Blogger Jay said...

I want a smart woman! Never, ever dumb down for anyone.

OTOH don't come across as an overeducated know it all either. Or any other sort that reeks "I think I'm better than you".


At 1:17 PM, Blogger -- said...

OOh, Love your blog too! I know, I hate it when guys don't realize how much we end up spending on untangibles. Was a huge issue with my Ex...

At 2:02 PM, Blogger Larry Jones said...

I hope it's not too late - now that the comment spam has been deleted, it looks like I was accusing Kim of being a spammer. I was not. There were three other comments there with hers, and they were junk.

Sorry, Kim.

At 4:50 PM, Blogger figleaf said...

This baby don't care for clothes, this baby don't care for shows, this baby just cares for you.

I don't know if there are a lot of men like me, but (under other circumstances) I'd be delighted to hang in libraries or magazine shops with someone who favored jeans, t-shirts, and no lingerie at all.

Makeup, perfume, and fancy clothes are very nice, don't get me wrong, but around the house, in the study, or in bed they'd get old pretty quick.

If you wanted to spend money I'd want you to go in with me on food and books, furniture and plants, gas for trips, and that's about it.

The down side of dressing up is you tend not to meet guys who don't mind if you don't do all that.

(And you're right, guys who require all that probably aren't worth the effort. Though of course I'd say that.)

At 4:56 PM, Blogger SingleAgain said...

Great blog indeed! Men are douche bags! They always think its us thinking about ourselves when I am sure that a lot of give and give and get nothing back. They think of themselves way more than we do.

At 9:21 PM, Blogger Kay said...

I was grooving right along with this until you got to your lessons from the school of life at the end, when I got a little lost. I guess I'm not as edumacated in that place as you are yet. But still a fun read as always, you hottie chikkie!

At 10:55 PM, Blogger theresa said...

Kim - I like most men, but the ones who don't like women seem to be the loudest.

Larry - Your dreams are your own ... but when they're flattering, I like when you share.

Erin - Our image says a lot about us, but often not what we want it to say. I'm hyper-sensitive about being somebody's trophy. The minute I have get the feeling that he's showing me off )not my sparkling personality), I bolt.

Jay - Indeed, some men and some women are bitter ... some more often than others.
Oops! I misplaced the ceiling fan thingy.

Blaze - My Mom was the first person who told me that I was too independent ... and that's why no one wanted to marry me (I was practically a spinster at 24). Thankfully, she's changed her opinion.
~~ I married the guy who bragged to his friends that I used a heavier bowling ball than he did.

Ron - I love you too ... maybe even more after a few mojito (kinda like a margarita on the rocks, except with white rum and mint, but no salt)

Jay - I agree. Superiority is a shallow and demeaning coping mechanism for those who are insecure.

Kristin - Thanks. My roommate (a guy) spends 15 bucks on a haircut. My last trip to the salon cost $125. I put it off for almost two months because I wanted to spend the money on other things ... like food.

Larry - You are so sweet!

Figleaf - As always, you make some great points, and you have a fantastic attitude. Women must fall in Love with you all the time! I have similar priorities when it comes to money. I also have a rule about jewelry. Nothing can cost more than $50. Even when I got married, we only spent $25 on my ring.

Singleagain - Some men are big selfish jerks. I've actually been pretty lucky to know a lot who are not ... I just got really cranky this week.

Kayten - Thanks Sweetie! Yeah, very cranky, and the random thoughts weren't flowing real well.

At 9:25 AM, Blogger Ron Southern said...

Larry: Thanks for clearing that up about the comment spam since I never laid eyes on it.


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