Sunday, August 14, 2005

Part 2

This is an update on a post I did several months ago:

Lost Items

What was lost to me you ask?

It was stolen really.

I used to have music inside.

I lost it when a thief stole the piece of my soul that allowed me to bare myself generously and unhindered to an audience of strangers and friends. Prior to the theft, my opus created the tight-chested quiet weeping for those who know the sighing sounds of joy and pain. I delivered the delicious ache with a soaring flight of phrase and nuance beyond little black scratches on parchment

The sound of my breath
The sound of my heart
The sound of my cunt

My body was one with the faithful wood and chamber. We inhaled and exhaled rhythmically. My arms and thighs embraced the rich chestnut curves carved from the gentle hands of her maker ... how many decades ago?

Yes, a thief ripped it out of my body. Not for his own use. The fucked-up-ness of it all is that he doesn’t even know he has it. He snatched something else without regard to the musical soul that was tethered to his plunder.

So one of these days, very soon, I’m going to plant my feet, sit straight and proud, and reclaim the music. I miss the way it feels inside me.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After a very long absence, I planted my feet, sat straight and proud, and played tonight. It felt good. It felt really, really good, … like, … like, … sorry, there isn’t anything else like it.

My cello and I have been together for over 24 years. I Love her very much. She must Love me too because, despite my neglect, she still responds to my touch.

Years ago, THEY called her Charles or Chuck, and made crude jokes about how I made music between my legs. I called her Mine, and privately I called her, My Girl. She really deserves a name like Lily or Emilia. Maybe Emilia is best. She is Italian after all.

She’s a copy of a 1742 Carlo Bergonzi. The design is quite different from a Stradivarias. She’s long and lean with a rich chestnut color. I know that she’s much older than I am. It shows in her deep sonorous tone, as well as the chips, scratches and scars that mark her beautiful body. When I look at her and hold her, I feel so lucky to have such a precious girl. Others who’ve seen and heard her have been envious of her beauty. I suppose that makes my neglect all the more tragic. However, thanks to my own resolve and a push from a dear sweet friend, she’s free again.

(Thank you, sweet friend)

I should quit writing now and get back to My Girl, Emilia (?) … My Cello. She’s patient with me when the sounds don’t come out right, but together we’re going to make something delicious happen again.


At 9:13 AM, Blogger Ron Southern said... When beauty must, beauty can. It's the kind of thing that could ravish me even though I play no instrument but me. Play on!

At 2:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't play anything well but I love to play music. It just makes me happy.

At 6:57 PM, Blogger Kyle Stich said...

Taking the term "omnisexual" to a whole new and beautiful place.

At 7:00 AM, Blogger theresa said...

Ron - Many of my friends are actors. I don't act and I doubt I ever will. It's a good thing because I'm very skilled as an appreciative member of the audience. We all need a good audience. I'll save a front row seat for you.

Popeye - We should both do more of this happy playing.

Kyle - That's a great thought. I'm adding it to my resume.

At 10:27 AM, Blogger Justin said...

Beautiful! The return of the inner music, the return of the woman and her cello!


At 10:51 AM, Blogger Blazngfyre said...

The dream and the dreamer, united once again .....

Welcome back, Emilia.

At 1:33 PM, Blogger Erin said...

There is something uniquely sensual about the sound of a cello. Welcome back to this part of yourself.

At 4:26 PM, Blogger No_the_game said...

Wow. This article made my day. It reminded me that my soul used to be some musical... I am glad you got yours back.


At 11:13 PM, Blogger Maverick said...

Something about the mention of cunt and when you said We inhaled and exhaled rhythmically made me think of this wonderful movie I saw a couple of years ago. Have you ever seen Hilary and Jackie? if not, SEE IT soon!

I like Emilia - it's very precious.

Spitting in a Wishing Well

At 1:49 AM, Blogger theresa said...

Justin - Thank you

Sizzlin' Blaze Chik - When all is well, playing is like a beautiful dream.

Erin - You're right about the cello. It is very sensual. I like to play bare-foot on a wood floor so I can feel the vibrations through my whole body.

Nothegame - Whether listening or playing, music has a wonderful effect on the soul.

s t a - c i e - I have seen Hilary and Jackie. It's a great film based on a true, but tragic story. I should watch it again soon.

At 8:57 AM, Blogger Lars said...

I'm probably a little late here...but that post was beautiful! I play the euphonium, have played since 5th grade and played all through college. I love it, it gives me the same feelings. In fact, I think I'll go home after work and pull it out to play.

I am also an actor and I love that and appreciate good audience members and people who can appreciate what we do up there :-)

I think I'm going to like it here at your blog

At 3:02 PM, Blogger Tiger said...

...this gave me goosebumps.


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