Monday, August 08, 2005

A Public Service Announcement From My Vagina

If you are someone who likes to have sex with women, AND you like to hear this:

Oh yeah … that’s right … keep doing that baby … Uh huh! Oh god … ohhhh yeahhhhh … FUCK YES!!! …. Oh god … oh, oh, oh, ohhhhhhh … OHMYGOD … YEAHHHHhhhhhhh!!! ………. **sigh** Oh yeah baby.

… then you should keep reading.

2005 the Year of Cunnilingus is an opportunity for all adult citizens of the world to celebrate and indulge in the age-old practice of muff-diving. Since munching the hairy taco should be a universally pleasurable experience, it is very important that we are all well informed. To fully appreciate the pleasure involved in cunnilingus, we must first understand the complexities of the remarkable clitoris.

The clitoris is a female sex organ. When the labia are spread open, the visible part of the clit looks like a little knob toward the top. Sometimes you also have to lift its hood to see find it. The sole function of the clitoris is to induce sexual pleasure, so it’s totally worth the effort to find this little gem.

The clitoris is well designed for arousal. It consists of an abundant collection of capillary tissue and more nerve tissue than an entire penis. It’s a little bit like a little penis. In fact, during utero they're both made from the same stuff. The hood of the clitoris is like the foreskin of the penis. It protects the extremely sensitive nerve tissue from unintentional stimulation or chafing. Without this hood, such constant stimulation would very likely be painful. Most of the clitoris is hidden. Some people believe that vaginal orgasm results from stimulation of the internal parts of the clitoris during vaginal penetration.

Just like a penis, everyone’s vagina and clitoris are a bit different. If you have one of your own, you should spend a lot of time making friends with it. If your lover has a clitoris, you should spend just as much time making friends with hers.

When it comes to oral sex, people seem to fall into one of these four categories:
A.) NO WAY! That’s gross and disgusting.
B.) I don’t really like it. I do it to please my partner, usually just on birthdays and anniversaries.
C.) I like doing it, but receiving is much more fun.
D.) I LOVE IT!!! My nipples get hard just thinking about it.

If you fall into A or B, why the hell are you still reading this?
If you fall into C, at least you’re fair-minded and positive.
If you fall into D, you have the right spirit. Even if you're still fine-tuning your skills, you’re ahead of the game (feel free to leave a phone number where you can be reached).

If you are a C or a D, definitely keep reading.

Eating a gal out is similar to a good blow-job. What makes one bloke happy might not work for the next five. You have to get to know your woman and her clit. Simply liking pussies doesn’t make you knowledgable about how to please them all. It’s a learned skill that improves with study and practice. She needs to speak up too. You can’t read her mind, nor should she expect you to. She’s the only one who can tell you what feels best to her. If you really like to hear those wonderful orgasmic sounds, make it a priority to pay attention to your partner and master this skill. Although there are no hard and fast rules, I’ve included a few general guidelines.

Some clitoris’ can be a bit persnickety. If you handle them roughly, they will pout and retreat back into their little hooded house. If that happens, your chances of hearing:

Oh yeah … that’s right … keep doing that baby … Uh huh! Oh god … ohhhh yeahhhhh … FUCK YEAH!!! …. Oh god … oh, oh, oh, ohhhhhhh … OHMYGOD … YEAHHHHhhhhhhh!!! ………. **sigh** Oh yeah baby.

… go down quite a bit. A clitoris likes to be courted and enticed to come out and play. Some are exceptionally coy, requiring a lot of gentle encouragement. Tease her with a lot of kissing and touching of other erogenous areas. Get her really aroused. Her clit will be begging to play by the time you get there. It’s always best to error on the side of caution than to risk offending her sensitive clit with brutishness. You won’t be sorry, and neither will your partner.

I, your esteemed Love Goddess, am committed to promoting both the frequency and the quality of cunnilingus. In order to do so, my vagina and I diligently gather both experiential and scientific information about savoring the delectable cream-pie. Keeping you, our beloved readers, well informed and happy is a high priority. Stay tuned for future updates.


At 2:21 AM, Blogger wildcat9two said...

i love to eat some pussy..just park it right on my face..

At 6:06 AM, Blogger Blazngfyre said...

Oh god ...

I need that ....

..... NOW!!!!

At 6:57 AM, Blogger Mr 5.25 said...

I'm waiting at attention

At 9:20 AM, Blogger Rednaked said...

I'd be happy to help you test any theories 'cause ya know I fall into that "D" catagory.

At 10:41 AM, Anonymous ed said...

One of my most favourite activities.

I'm lucky that Sue has multiple orgasms quite easily so making her come is no problem. I like to use different techniques on her. Usually I'll mix these up to keep her guessing but one of my favourite sequences is:

Up and down fast to bring her to orgasm quickly.

Keep going (don't stop at all) but now with slow circular motion keeping her on the edge as long as possible until she explodes into orgasm.

Fast up and down, but very, very lightly, hardly touching, again keeping her on the edge as long as possible until eventual explosive orgasm.

And to finish off, side to side which always drives her crazy and usually she will come fairly quickly.

Another good thing to do is to start of quickly and get slower and slower as she gets closer to orgasm. I guess I like to torture her!

At 10:58 AM, Blogger Larry Jones said...

Thanks for the pointers, babe. I'll be using them the next time there's a function at the junction.

At 11:05 AM, Blogger Ron Southern said...

What about the photos and diagrams? A sex manual is better than an old Sears catalog. What am I talking about! I think I got brain damage from that last post. Oh, no, I already had some, so you just pushed me over the edge. That would be a wonderful thing, if they'd let you do that in the booby hatch! So relaxing, so refreshing... Turn the radio on and let me drift.

At 12:05 PM, Blogger figleaf said...

Hi Theresa,

I've always appreciated how public minded your posts have been. I didn't get the memo on The Year of Cunnilingus so thanks for the head's up. Also thanks for the excellent pointers on how best to celebrate it.

Kidding aside it's a nice post. Thanks.

At 12:10 PM, Blogger Chick said... about a PUBLIC SERVICE Announcement (or is it...Pubic service?).

I think you are right...& there is NO shame in spelling it out for someone...none at all.

Me, myself & a tease...followed by constant attention...but it only works for me...if the person giving is a D.

At 12:31 PM, Blogger theresa said...

wildcat - you should always use that as a pick-up line!

blaze - "Now" is always the best time for cunnilingus.

mr 5.25 - I know I can count on you.

red - There's a reason you're one of my favorite hot chiks!

ed - You and Sue are the best role-models.

larry - I'm going to shamelessly steal your "function at the junction" line.

ron - What's up baby? You and I might be forgetful, but I know you remember what one looks like! I'll work on that photo/diagram idea. Stay tuned.

figleaf - you were my inspiration for this post! I love the way you explore sexuality on your blog.

chick - Pubic Service? *groan*
Hey, I'm always appreciative when someone tells me how to get better. It's really very encouraging.

I'm with you on the "D" preference. When the other person isn't into it, I can't get into it either. I end up wondering why they're even bothing to try because it's not going to work.

At 1:34 PM, Blogger SunsetMan said...

I'm a D. And I have had many happy customers in the past. My problem is now. Due to meds for high blood pressure and diabetes, I have a problem with getting it up. I was trying out Viagra with my wife but it didn't seem to be getting the job done. So I headed south to at least do something for my wife. Also there is nothing more arousing for me than having juice allover my face and I was hoping it would help. On my way down she stopped me and said "Don't do that, I don't that, I never have liked it." Well that took the little bit of starch that I had right out of me. Those words echo in my head every time I think of getting a bit frisky with my wife. That and a couple of other problems has cooled my jets.

I would love to reacquaint myself with the wonderful taste and smell but it probably not going to happen with my wife or any one else. ::sigh::

At 11:12 PM, Blogger Maverick said...

Ah, the pink taco.

I can't believe I just said that! LOL

Some people believe that vaginal orgasm results from stimulation of the internal parts of the clitoris during vaginal penetration.

This I did not know - thanks for sharing that!

Not being one who can actually read a mind, I usually read the body. And I listen. Listen. Those delicious moans are all I need to find out what feels good, and where to go from there.

If there is a lack of said moans, that just means the fun is prolonged, as they are out there, you just need to find them.

I especially love a woman who is, at present, quiet in bed. This thought produces evil giggles that start low down in my belly. That a woman is quiet or shy in bed tells me that she has never felt comfortable opening up. And, that flower, is the best to get to open up - bloom. There is nothing like it.

Esteemed Love Goddess, I have a story to tell about when it's appropriate to say "no" when asked directly for tongue action. Make no mistake, there is a happy ending, but "no" can be the best thing to say some times. Especially in light of what you say in terms of courting the clitoris. And begging.

Have you considered a running forum of true-life stories here? That thought just came to mind, since you're trying to promote knowledge here and all. I'd be happy to add.

Spitting in a Wishing Well

At 9:47 AM, Blogger Opaco said...

What i have found is that some women really have to be comfortable with their partners to get anything out of cunnilingus. If they aren't, it'll be more frustrating then anything. Kind of like scratching all around and itch but never hitting the actual source of the itch.
At least that is what i have been told. I can honestly say that every time i have gone down on a woman i have brought her to orgasm. Or at least I was told I did.

At 10:55 AM, Blogger theresa said...

Sunset Man - There is a lot of satisfaction in pleasing another person. I'm sorry to hear about your situation with your wife. Has she given you a reason she doesn't like it?

STA - CIE - You are such a sexy Hot Chik! mmmhmmm...
The forum idea sounds great. I'll see what I can come up with in the next week or so.

Opaco - Knowing you, and how much you Love and appreciate Hot Chiks, I have no doubt that you have acquired the skills to please them.

At 11:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 3:10 PM, Blogger Tiger said...

(for both the post AND the fun comments! lol :)

At 3:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

>>Some people believe that vaginal orgasm results from stimulation of the internal parts of the clitoris during vaginal penetration<< Absolutely true! These internal parts of the clitoris are the skene's glands and they are vestigial organs... This area inside the vagina is better known as the G-SPOT and allow women to squirt in a tremendous orgasm! Anyway, women can achieve vaginal orgasm by contracting their pussy. Pussy contractions (and anal contractions) lead to stronger orgasms. Learn more about it and about vaginal orgasms here or here


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