Sunday, February 12, 2006

Self-Indulgent Post About Me

Where I am now

Where I want to be

I’ve been told that I’m inconsistent, I change too much, I’m too intense and I over-think, over-react, and over-whelm. In a similar vein, some have suggested that my blog posts are all over the place, not necessarily in a bad way; more like a roller coaster ride. My moods, thoughts, desires, and motivations are reflected in my irratic writing. Sometimes its a scary, thrilling, funny, painful, poignant unpredictable twisty-turny-up & down trip, slowing briefly only to start up again on another round. Such is my nature. I love it. I hate it. I tolerate it. I cherish it. I feel confused.

The last few months have been a time of extraordinary growth and change. Volumes, gallons, miles, buckets of activity have been going on in my head while I go about my day-to-day maintenance of the basic necessities. I’m learning to accept myself ... dare I say it, even love myself. I’m learning to lean on my friends without guilt. I’m learning to expect more from life rather than settling due to shameful feelings based on real and imagined inadequacies. Even though I’m not free to be completely open and forthcoming, this blog is one of the few places I feel safe to be completely honest about such things.

My life will be changing even more in the near future. I’m getting my house in order, both literally and figuratively. Important things that I really want are finally within my grasp. As such, it's going to get worse before it gets better. Huge changes mean huge adjustments, even when they're good changes. In the meantime, life inside my head feels less like a roller coaster and more like a trampoline. If you’re gonna stick this out with me, I suggest you pick up a box of Damamine.

** A special thanks to a few treasured friends who've been keeping a close eye on me lately. If all'y'all hadn't lent a loving and protective hand when I was upturned, I surely would have landed on my head more than a few times. **


At 9:55 AM, Blogger naive-no-more said...

I forgot for a second that this was your blog.

Could have been one of my posts except that I'm still in the air waiting to see if I'll land on my head or my feet.

At 10:12 AM, Blogger Bougie Black Boy said...

hmmmm getting your house in order? Come and get mine together too! LOL

I think you need a Bougie Black Boy painting for your living room!

At 10:36 AM, Blogger AndyT13 said...

Rock on T! You are all that luv!

At 11:15 AM, Blogger JayneSays said...

Personally, I'm just fine with roller coasters. I'll be here for all the ups and downs and upside-downs. Good luck with all you're going through . . . breathe, one day at a time, you will emerge a changed, even more powerful (how is that possible?!) woman.

At 12:42 PM, Blogger Al said...

Roller Coasters are much more fun than the Merry-go-Round

At 3:53 PM, Blogger Shephard said...

I was in Venice last SEPT, and I didn't see any roller coasters. ;)

I'd like to be in Venice too.
When you go (if you've never been), ask me, and I'll give you tons of free advice. ;)

At 7:49 PM, Blogger theresa said...

Naive - It's good to know I'm not alone.

Stephen - Damn! I'd be the envy of EVERYONE!

Andy - *smooch*

Jayne - Thanks for the encouragement.

Al - Hmmmm .... Good point.

Shephard - Venice would be perfection. I mostly have my eye on the gondola ... or any peaceful, gently rocking type of watercraft ... substitute a sailboat, canoe, innertube ... a fat guy with a snorkle.

At 9:10 PM, Blogger Polyman2 said...

Change is inconvenient,
but then again, so is living.

At 8:45 AM, Blogger Steve said...

It's difficult to explain...
but I think of the picture of the trampoline as a metaphor for your soul. Always intense, moving, bouncing, trying to find the right balance. The picture of the boat (whatever it is called) is like a metaphor for the spirit. Steady, calm, balanced...a place we would like to call "home." Theresa, I don't think of myself (or anyone else) as either a soul or spirit alone...because, we possess both. We need to find a stable "home" where we can bounce around like little children, and enjoy, imagine, and wonder, "What would it be like, if I could actually fly?"

At 9:43 AM, Blogger Dick the Boomer said...

I don't need no stinkin' Damamine. Trampolines are fun and I love roller coasters. Bring in on!


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