Wednesday, November 23, 2005

"Fa-la-la-la-laaa, la-la, la, laaaa"

I’m not supposed to be here. I’m supposed to be in the midst of a 6 ½ hour pilgimage to northern Wisconsin to spend the holiday with my family. It’s the biggest, most important K-family gathering of the year. The 4-day event includes Thanksgiving, birthday celebrations, and a faux Christmas gala. There are no excuses for being absent. Showing up tardy is also frowned upon. Yet, here I am, pounding away on the keyboard while my little car sits packed to the gills in my driveway.

Don’t be tempted to think that this odd turn of events is due to my steadfast dedication to blogging. I’d leave you all in a quick minute for Mom’s pumpkin pie (temporarily, of course). My current standstill is because of something much more ridiculous. I lost my glasses. Normally I can do without them, but not driving lonely country highways at night. I simply don’t see well enough to be comfortable, and by the time I arrived, I’d have a headache that no amount of pie could cure.

I’ve turned my entire house and car upside down looking for those sneaky spectacles. They’re still no where to be found. However, I did find some other interesting things.

I found my *bling-bling* bike bell (that I never managed to attach to my bike), my Gerber (a handy tool for any industrious Hot Chik), lots of dust and dog hair behind furniture (ewww, I need to start looking for a new House Boy who cleans better than the old one), the electric bill (ooops, no wonder I have so much money in my checking account), and the Stevie Ray Vaughn CD that I thought I’d loaned to an old boyfriend (I may not have escaped with my pride, but at least I have my tunes).

Speaking of sex …
Aww, come-on, I know it’s a leap, but you can make it. Just step back a few feet and run toward it …
… the old boyfriend …
… the lost pride …
… and while music is great, it doesn't offer as much of a distraction for a wounded ego as sex does.
There you go!


I’ve decided to stop having sex for the rest of the year. My vagina needs a little break. We’ve been traveling a lot, and she’s more prone to jet-lag than the rest of me. I was also working her pretty hard for a while. At her age, it takes longer to recover! Furthermore, with the holidays upon us, she’s got herself distracted with shopping, decorating and caroling … and, boy-o-boy, can my vagina belt out the fa-la-la-la-la’s. I know you’re thinking that I’ve just come up with this little scheme because things are looking dreary in the getting-laid-soon crystal ball. And maybe you’re right. But, it feels a whole lot better when I make it seem like my idea.
*(and, this is not an invitation to leave comments offering pity sex)

Oh, and I’ve been tagged by Dick the Boomer. My assignment is to go to my way-way back archives and look at my 23rd post (that’s back 200 posts, kids). Once I get there, I have to find the 5th sentence, or closest to it, and post it here, along with these instructions. Then, I ponder the sentence for meaning, subtext or hidden agendas. And finally, I tag 5 others to do the same.

23rd post, 5th sentence:
"I'd really like to wear my t-shirt from the sex toy store that says, "If you want something done right, do it yourself"…"

I appear to be back in the same place I was when I wrote those words. I’m still happy and positive about sex. However, in a month or so, when my Vagina has finished performing Handel’s Messiah, I’d like to expand beyond the solo-sex with someone who fits what I’m really looking for. That doesn’t mean I’m going to replace my toys with a lover. No Way! My Hitachi Magic Wand has been with me longer than 90% of my boyfriends.

Tagging …
Zoooom
Al
Nosthegametoo
Ron
Aisha


If you were previously tagged by someone else, shame on me for not noticing/remembering, and you’re obviously off the hook.

22 Comments:

At 1:46 AM, Blogger Laurie said...

"and, boy-o-boy, can my vagina belt out the fa-la-la-la-la’s"

priceless.

Hope you both have a grrreat Thanksgiving! (and I hope that you found your sexy specs, too!)

 
At 1:59 AM, Blogger Larry Jones said...

Chastity! What a concept. Will you be a virgin, then, on January 1st?

 
At 8:42 AM, Blogger Dick the Boomer said...

Thanks for the laughs! But no sex for the rest of the year??? No way... It's the holiday season. You can't go through the holidays without belting out a couple of Handel's Messiahs.

Have a great time in Wisconsin - and don't forget your toys.

 
At 9:00 AM, Blogger Dick the Boomer said...

I re-read your post AFTER I left a comment. I'm in the midst of holiday visiting... distracted... etc. Anyway, the last sentence stands.

Happy Thanksgiving!

 
At 10:35 AM, Blogger JayneSays said...

Good idea, I will fa-la you in your chastity month! (husband groans in the background) Okay, maybe not. But in spirit, I'm with you. Happy Thanksgiving!

 
At 4:02 PM, Blogger Aisha T. said...

Crikey! I hate it when I can't find my glasses--because I'm so blind they could be anywhere!

Btw this:
I know you’re thinking that I’ve just come up with this little scheme because things are looking dreary in the getting-laid-soon crystal ball. And maybe you’re right. But, it feels a whole lot better when I make it seem like my idea.

Yeah, I like the 'my idea' way. It gives me the control!

Okay....guess for my next post that I guess I'll have the 23rd post's fifth sentence :-D I'm actually dying to know what I wrote! Luckily, I only have about 50 posts

 
At 5:12 AM, Blogger Alchemy said...

Girls youll have a wonderful blog here. Its always fun to read and hmmmm its not fun not having sex and i do hope you change ur mind...

Read our blog at http://cyberscening.blogspot.com and we would love to have you two lovely girls over visiting us at our blog.

 
At 9:42 AM, Blogger theresa said...

Laurie - I found my glasses around midnight. They were under the desk, about 18 inches from my left foot, as I typed this post. Gop figure! I Hope your Thanksgiving was happy too sweetie.

Larry - Virginity again? I wouldn't mind having the body I had back then, but not the stupidity and ignorance. Besides, I think it takes at least 90 days and a note from God to get your virginity back.

I like your coffee mug.

Dick - Keep singing Babe!

Jayne - Thanks for your support. However, I insist you endulge your lusty urges. Someone needs to show some proper Hot Chik holiday spirit.

Aisha - I'll look for your 23rd and 5th Kiddo.


Alchemy - Thanks and welcome to 2 Hot Chiks.

 
At 9:00 PM, Blogger Yoga Korunta said...

The fifth from the twenty third meme was great! Alicia tagged me.

 
At 12:13 AM, Blogger kelebek }{ said...

Uuh, on your way down to Wisconsin, do stop by in Madison for a cup of coffee!!!

 
At 7:16 AM, Blogger Al said...

way too many caroling jokes running through my mind -
have a great T-day

 
At 7:21 AM, Blogger Anonymous Assclown said...

Are you honestly trying to tell us that if Mr. Brainybrawnybeautiful&diseasefree knocked on your door with bottles of wine and Cialis, you'd shut the door in his face?

 
At 7:59 AM, Blogger theresa said...

Yoga - I did notice yours, my friend.

Kelebek}{ - I have to do that one of these days. I think it's only about 3 1/2 hours out of my way. That's totally worth it to share the company of a Hot Chik like you.

Al - What happened? I set you up so well. Was it too overwhelming?

AC - Are you making a pass at me?

 
At 9:36 AM, Blogger Anonymous Assclown said...

If it were me, it'd be Mr AbnormalSquishyinallthewrongplacesGoofylooking&Itsjustacoldsore knocking on your door.

 
At 12:19 PM, Blogger AndyT13 said...

I'm really puzzled that some of the hottest chiks out in bloggy land are having a hard time getting what they need. Where were y'all when I was all hard up anyway? Sheesh. Hope you find your glasses and have a nice family visit. Cheers!

 
At 1:34 PM, Blogger Julie said...

I hope you had a great visit home. When I was single I used to make these declarationt that I'm swearing off boys and swearing off alcohol. (there was always a time limit attached like 3 or 3 weeks) I seem to recall meeting fantastic guys just after my declarations...but I'm pretty sure I stuck to my guns. You gotta do what feels right.

 
At 2:12 PM, Blogger theresa said...

AC - Yeah-but you’re smart and you make me laugh. How about you stop at the drug store for something for the cold sore on your way over. I’ll be ready at 8:00.

Andy – It’s not a matter of quantity, it’s a matter of quality. All the good one’s are taken Babe! Help AC with his lip and I might be in business.

Julie - It's only a month. Even if I meet a fab guy, I can amuse and distract him for a month. I just have to keep telling myself that it's good for me to delay gratification once in a while.

 
At 9:39 PM, Blogger Anonymous Assclown said...

Who said it was on my lip?

 
At 10:13 PM, Blogger ZooooM said...

Way for me to go out of town and not have net access for almost a week! And get tagged!

I'm so sorry. I can probably do this tomorrow.

Hope you found your glasses! Or at least a way to safely get to the pie!

 
At 10:17 PM, Blogger theresa said...

AC - I think you may need a prescription for that .... and it's after 10, you're late.

 
At 10:19 PM, Blogger theresa said...

Zoooom - You're worth waiting for Babycakes! Glad you're back. I betcha got a good story.

 
At 10:25 PM, Blogger Anonymous Assclown said...

If only I would have taken I-80 instead of I-70.....

 

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