Monday, June 27, 2005

A Rose by Any Other Name ...

I was trying to remember all of my past lovers today. I realized a long time ago that I couldn’t remember all of their names … no, not even their first names. However, at the time I was with them I did know their names … or at least I knew a name. I didn’t just scream "Oh god!" the whole time. That gets boring, and boring sex is a tragedy I always avoid. So, I always asked for a name, both first and last, even if I only planned to play with him for a little while. Who knows if they all gave me a real name though? I didn’t have background checks done on everyone I slept with … just the one.

At this point, I’ve stopped trying to recall the lost and forgotten names and have opted to catalogue them by what I do remember instead:

Photographer guy
Crazy Red Brillo Head Man
That one guy’s cute nephew
The car dude with the good weed
Really, really icky-what-was-I-thinking-?guy
Scary big-muscle freak
Minneapolis Dreamboat (sigh)
Soft Condom South Dakota
The First One (yeah, for real, I don’t remember his name)

I’ve never had sex with someone with an unusual name like Rudolf, Elvis, or Indigo. It’s always John, Matt, Mike, Mark, Bill, Dan, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, or David. Not that those are bad names, or that any of them were bad lovers, it’s just kinda funny. What’s the deal with the Dave’s though? I’m going to have a baseball team of them pretty soon.

I’ve decided to do a better job of remembering the names of my lovers from now on. I’m getting up there in years and my memory is worse than ever, so I need a system to keep track properly. I was thinking that a nice Guest Book would be a good idea. They could sign in to the Love Goddess Guest Book and jot down a little note for sentimental remembrances. That might be sweet.

15 Comments:

At 1:39 AM, Blogger Larry Jones said...

Well, aren't we sassy and saucy tonight? Don't forget, Love Goddess: The lovers each probably think of themselves as The Lover. The Extremely Lucky Lover, but still...

 
At 3:04 AM, Anonymous ed said...

A guestbook - ha! That's a great idea. :)

 
At 7:44 AM, Blogger Queen Of Pink said...

OMG, seriously I tried to do this a few weeks ago. Yes tried. Apparently, I'm getting senile and couldn't remember a few (won't say how many) names. So I made up names as well.

You know what? I've had no Daves though, and only one David. Am I missing something? I have had, however, quite a few Michaels and Mikes. Could it be a regional thing? ;)

 
At 8:37 AM, Blogger Rednaked said...

I've got a few names I can't remember and I few I wish I never knew! But then again I've never been much on romance.

 
At 9:16 AM, Blogger Mr 5.25 said...

Maybe you could number them or something.

 
At 9:46 AM, Blogger theresa said...

Larry - They all were The Lover ... at that particular moment in time. Some, however, will always have a special place in my heart.

Ed - I love how supportive you are. Maybe we can exchange some design ideas privately ;)

Queen - I must be a "Dave Magnet". I actually turned down a guy named Dave just because it was starting to freak me out at the time. I got over it. Hey, maybe your baseball team could play mine! The Daves Vs. The Mikes!!!
... but we can still sit together at the game, right?

Red - Sometimes it's not about romance. It's about getting laid and having fun.

Mr. 5.25 (aka D-1023) - I shoulda thought of that!

 
At 10:26 AM, Blogger Kyle Stich said...

My wife used to accuse me of keeping track, in the negative sense, of her lovers, but now she wishes I would have kept better records. She's quite the player and was inspired by the immaculate sex histories Dr. Kinsey would collect from people around the country.

 
At 11:59 AM, Blogger Mossy Stone said...

I remember conducting this kind of exercise as a bit of a joke competition with a female co-worker many, many years ago. It was kinda scary...

 
At 2:37 PM, Blogger Michael G said...

Woudn't a photo be better than a guest book. You could add notes to the photo, and keep the dave/michaels seperate. Unless you had them sign the guest book on the way out, then they could leave a comment.

Now that would be interesting reading.

 
At 4:44 PM, Blogger Al said...

making me laugh!!!!

 
At 6:31 PM, Blogger Maverick said...

I have kept a list (somewhere) but kind of stopped writing on it over the years, and have to go back to it from time-to-time. What I find REALLY scary is looking directly at a name and I can't even place that person at all.

A lot of your names sound like BIBLE names!!

Oh, and I love, Love, LOVE the guest book idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spitting in a Wishing Well

 
At 8:08 PM, Blogger Larry Jones said...

You know how sometimes the perfect riposte, that clever comeback, doesn't occur to you until it's too late? Well, that's what happened to me, and here it is, a day late:

Theresa, you probably should start a baseball team, since all those guys are proven homerun hitters.

 
At 9:48 PM, Blogger theresa said...

Kyle - You could keep records in the style of Dr. Kinsey. Maybe you could even conduct interviews for the purpose of further research.

Michael - The photo idea is good too. That could develop into a cute little scrapbook thing. I could pass it down to the next generation of happy ethical sluts. All along I envisioned the Guest Book being an after-the-fact sort of thing. Something like, "Thanks for stopping by. Would you be a Dear and sign the Guest Book on your way out?"

Al - It's all about the Laugh, Babe!

Ssssssssss Teeeeeeee ay.... - Bible names! Too funny! ... and on the 6th day, the Love Goddess took he, who shall be known as Car Guy with Good Weed, and she was pleased.

Mossy - Who won, Dude?

Larry - *laughing and slapping my knee*

 
At 3:19 PM, Blogger K-Dub said...

I have a saying, if it isn't worth remembering then it isn't important.

If they didn't leave a good enough empact on you then they didn't do their job right...!

 
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