Wednesday, November 03, 2004

What Should I Do When I Get Big?

So how long does the average midlife crisis last? I'm past the 2-year mark and there is no end in sight. It's difficult rationalizing that I'm an intelligent woman exploring all that life has to offer rather than a dumb-ass fumbling about without a clue.

This isn't meant to be a pity-party rant. I don't necessarily feel bad about myself. I'm cool as hell. I have great friends and a decent sense of rhythm. Everyone that matters knows that I'm a totaly hot - and I have the clothes and shoes to match. I make people laugh, and I laugh a lot myself, but not in the annoying way. I love sex and I'm damn good at it. My resume rocks (however I've wisely excluded my sexual history). My mental health is stable, and I have both collectable snow globes from the Fargo movie as well as an American Maid action figure doll.

Two and a half years ago I had a job that was killing me and no life. I had a stable marriage to a man I rarely saw, and a stable affair with another man I also rarely saw. I had friends who said things like, "remember when we..." because I never had time to do anything but work. My family said things like, "Do your clients matter more to you than we do?" And, I rationalized that my clients NEEDED me more so it was okay that I missed more family events than I attended. When I hit the proverbial wall, I quit and have been resting, playing, exploring, and fumbling ever since.

So now I have 27 plus more years of work/career ahead of me, but I have no idea what to do with that time and energy. I'm bored as hell with my current blah-blah paycheck employment, but nearly everything else in life seems to be an exciting possibility. I have a new idea every week. One week I'm going to invent and make specialized Fortune Cookies and the next week I'm going to be a Sex Toy Tester.

So what does an experienced, bored, immature, conflict-avoiding 40-year old Hot Chik do with herself?

8 Comments:

At 12:03 PM, Blogger Goldfish Shoals said...

Write a blog. And learn to play the accordian. And not rush things. Life's all about exploring, no matter how long it takes.

 
At 5:46 PM, Blogger Jessica said...

Cry into your pint of Ben & Jerry's nightly...good stuff.

 
At 9:50 AM, Blogger Goldfish Shoals said...

Choose vodka and Chaka Khan.

 
At 1:53 PM, Blogger Lu said...

I love what Theresa wrote about her “growing-up” process. It’s true; she has been wandering around like a lost puppy, wringing her hands, wondering what she should be doing about her life. I keep trying to tell her to relax and just let life happen, that sometimes life needs to unfold at its own pace. And as the older, wiser, and more mature of the two of us, I should know. Ok, well, a lot of things can happen between the ages of 40 and 44.

--Lu

 
At 9:27 PM, Blogger Matt said...

I think you should climb a mountain.

Or write a novel.

Why not?

 
At 11:40 PM, Blogger theresa said...

Climb a mountain? How about I get a couple of goats and race them to the top of the Benton Street Hill?
Hmmm, A Novel? Lemme me read yours.

 
At 8:49 AM, Blogger Tiger said...

...eek.
I've hit that wall. & I've been spending the past few months just kinda staring at it.
I'm in that "stable marriage (sorta:) to a man I barely see, affair? Well... not that I'm In one but I think about having one a lot... not with a MAN though.. ummm, my friends don't say "remember when we" because
well I don't seem to have any that haven't moved to opposite ends of the country..."
Yeah. I'm in that place.
Soooo
Let me know how you let yourself rest, play and explore.
I don't mind fumbling y'know???
& when you figure out what to do with yourself? Please let the rest of us in on that secret. :)

 
At 2:22 PM, Blogger Mr 5.25 said...

Turn fantasy into reality.

 

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